Not coming home.....

Hurrah, Dear Reader. More words of wisdom from Hackbridge Towers as the pre-season friendlies start up again. We will also delve into the magical world of the Euros which I've quite enjoyed this year. Footballs coming home!!!!!!! 

Pre Season starts at Corinthian Casuals

 First up, a friendly on the back pitch was against our tenants Tooting Bec who I must say are really looking better and better and do seem as if they will have yet another good season. An entertaining 0-0 draw which possibly was a fair result as both teams missed good chances and both hit the woodwork on several occasions. I must admit that I spend most of my time at the Pre-season games chatting and gossiping so don't look to me for in-depth views on formations or new players or signing etc (As if you ever did). I just enjoyed the day in the sun. Good to see a few of the others at the game including Mad Ciaran who informed me that he is thinking of moving to Hackbridge and wanted to know the important things about the area like how much is an Uber to and from the Ramble Inn. If he does move to the area it may well put back any ideas of gentrification by around 15 years and have a significant effect on house prices meaning you will be able to pick up a 3 bed house with a garage for about 250 quid... I must add how smart he looked in his bright yellow Ukrainian football shirt which he proudly wore and which I'm sure will get him a bit of cash back from Ebay in a week or so.

                     #FFS

 Talking of which.... Watched the England - Ukraine game in the bar after the Bec match... A good crowd in the bar singing and yelling their heads of as England defied the odds by 

A/ Playing well 

B/ Winning comfortably. 

When it comes to International football I often tell people I have enough Scots and Irish blood not to really care about England and enough English blood not to care about either the Scots or Irish, but I must admit my Anglo Saxon side was very happy after the game which may have had a lot to do with Gareth Southgate’s team selection and a very good England performance.... Or the large amount of Guinness I drank.... Either way a good night out. 

Toots second Pre-Season game was away to Three Bridges on the following Tuesday and ended up a 1-0 defeat on the same night Italy beat Spain to get to the Final on penalties. Of course, to mark the occasion, Toots missed a last-minute penalty and now this run of bad luck, or to be honest, badly taken penalties carries on which is a bit of a worry to us sensitive types on the Bog End. 

I was back to Fortress Imperial on the Wednesday Night to watch the England v Denmark game. Another great night surrounded by rather loud people. What can I say, England proving everyone wrong and getting through to the Final. Since taking on the teachings of Karl Marx and upsetting the Daily Mail the whole England set up has really done well now get ready for Italy in the Final on Sunday. Ant got in early and helped arranged a table so I've no doubt that Sunday night might involve Guinness and singing. 

But before that is the important matter of another Pre-Season game against Frank Wilson's Merstham side, again on the back 3G pitch. A good run out for the team and a 3-1 victory. Yet again I spent most of the match gossiping and chatting to whoever was unlucky enough to stand next to me. I'm looking forward to the start of the season as I think we have a good chance of doing well. Covid took away our chances of making the play offs over the last two seasons. Fingers crossed it will be different this year. 

Did you know England won the World Cup in 1966? Most people don't know this little-known fact as it never ever gets mentioned at all and with this in mind I set off to the bar at Fortress Imperial to watch Gareth’s Groovy Gang take on Italy in the Euro Final to watch Football coming home (Spoiler Alert). It didn't. A fantastic start from England which gave everyone the hope that England may do it was crushed in the 2nd half as Italy equalised and I think deep down we all knew the outcome. Yet another penalty shootout fuck up as Rashford hop, skipped, jumped, farted and passed the ball to the Italian goalie instead of just smashing the fucking thing was the start of the doom and gloom. I feel dreadfully sorry for the young lads who missed who then predictably suffered online abuse from the total bellends that seem to hide behind their phones and computers during England games. Lots of positives from England and it was great to see various communities getting behind the team and coaching staff but still heart breaking yet again to see the trouble afterwards and over the top drunken behaviour which is often the reason why so many other countries love it when England lose. Fucking embarrassing.... I’m feeling really quite down in the dumps as I write this, but at least, I haven’t woken up knowing there’s a photo of me with a smoke bomb sticking out of my bumhole and that I didn’t end up taking off my clothes on Wembley Way while off my face on various nasally ingested chemicals.

“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country,” 

 Anyway, from the Banks of the Mighty Wandle there seems to be a lot of building work going on over at Sutton United's Gangrene Lane ground and the world famous "Shoe Box Terrace" has now been demolished which is a shame. As pointed out by Bog End Regular Mr Chops at least when the Shoe Box was in place all the weirdos used to be together in a small area and therefore easy to keep control of by the clever use of stewarding and cattle prods. Now they will be free to walk around and mix with normal supporters which I bet is one drawback their promotion into the Football League. Still all the work has allowed @bornatotter the chance to work around the ground in a High Vis jacket and a white hard hat / builders helmet looking like one of the Village People. 

Also, got to feel for Peter Crouch a once famous international footballer now so down on his luck he's forced to join the board at Dulwich Hamlet and make TV Documentaries about the club to try and earn enough cash to feed his growing family. With the Euros going on and the Country getting behind the Three Lions, it’s really sad to see an Ex England International footballer hit the depths of despair after the end of his career. I can only hope that things get better for him sooner rather than later and that one day he can hold his head up high again.

Another thing I did learn over the past couple of weeks is that having a photo taken with a crying child can get you a lot of money, if only I'd started doing that a couple of seasons ago with Ant, We would have so much cash behind us we could both be in the space race with Elon Musk or Richard Branson trying to reach Uranus first or be living on a luxury yacht off the coast of Canvey Island, instead I'm spending my days looking out the window and wondering if Mad Ciaran is going to move in next door

Up The Terrors !!!!!

Cheeky Cheeky....

Hi Groovy Gang.... More words of wisdom from Hackbridge Towers on the glorious Toots.
So the last game of the 2018-19 season was a home fixture against FC Romania, a team formed a few years ago from Romanians living and working in London. They started right at the bottom and have successfully made their way up the footballing ladder. I missed the game at their place but those who went said what a friendly club they were and I'm glad they avoided relegation which at the start of the season might have seemed possible. Stories like this are great and just show that although we have lost some great and famous clubs over the years that there are always new ones to take their place.

Romania has also given us Count Dracula and the Cheeky Girls so I sent off to Fortress Imperial after locking up the local virgins in Hackbridge hoping for an exciting afternoon of neck biting, bat transformation and bottom molesting but alas my neck remained bite free and no one fondled my buttocks in our 2-1 victory. A game which only really came to life in the last 15mins.

Gabriela and Monica waiting for the Tram at Wimbledon Station before heading  to Tooting and Mitcham ready for an afternoon of bottom touching.

At the end of the game myself and Dave Irons presented the Supporters club trophies in the club bar. Antonio Simeone was voted player of the season... Well deserved in my opinion and it's been great to have him back this year. Dominic Morgan Griffiths came 2nd with Isaiah Jones coming in 3rd. Plenty of votes were cast and pretty much every player got voted for which shows how well the whole team has played well this season. Ajani Domingo-Carrington won goal of the season for his goal against Chalfont. Isaiah's goal at the away game at Marlow also received a number of votes.

Vote for the best game was the 4-3 victory at Egham and worse was Northwood away. A big thanks to everyone who voted and a really big thanks to Dave Irons and Charlie Till for getting the trophies and doing the count up of the votes cast.

Cheers to Kevin Cummins for the photo of myself and Dave Irons presenting Antonio with the   Supporters Player of The Season Award.

So after the 2-1 victory, we finished in 6th place, just outside the play offs. A position I would have given my right hand for after the first 45 mins at Egham Town away back in October last year. We had lost all but one of our league games, a couple in quite spectacular style and were 3-1 down and the travelling Terrors were about the most angry I've ever seen. Which Dear reader if you know anything about TMUFC is quite a statement to make.... The second half is seen by many as the time when things turned around. Three second half goals saw us snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. We had had some good cup results in the various trophies Toots enter every season so there was a sense that things would/ could change after the final whistle.... And they did. This started a good run for the Terrors which put us into the top ten in the table which we stayed in for the rest of the season. Apart from the defeat at Westfield away I can't think of any other games in which we really didn't put a shift in. I've enjoyed this league campaign and their is defiantly a good sense of optimism around the place now.  The management and coaching team deserve a lot of credit for what they have achieved and the football style we play. Well done....

I know there have been a number of moans and groans about playing in the South Central but I believe we have a better chance of making the play offs or going up from this league than being moved across to the South East league where some better known clubs await. Admittedly we have no geographical or historical rivals in this division but our home crowds have been better attended by our own fans this season than last. I was worried that we would be playing home games in front of crowds around the 100 mark after last seasons relegation but I've been proved wrong. Again though not many clubs brought an away following to Fortress Imperial, those that did are looking at promotion anyway.

As for our friends and local rivals, I'm very pleased to see Corinthian Casuals hold there own in the premiership, Carshalton at the time of writing are in the play offs against Merstham which could lead to back to back promotions for the Robins. Dulwich are happy back in their car park and although they nearly got dragged into the relegation battle they stayed just outside and continue to get huge crowds over at Champion Hill. Sutton's season although not as good as last year they still managed to be a major pain in the arse to a number of so called bigger clubs and their fans.  I should be green with envy and although I wish we were in a higher division I've seen enough change at Toots to feel very optimistic for the 2019-20 season. Behind the scenes more people have been getting on board and helping out around the place and there is a better feeling about the club and how things are going. Just remember how things were at the end of last season and how many of us wondered how we could cope in the future. We  have new noisy neighbours for next season with Tooting Bec playing their fixtures at Fortress Imperial in what we all hope with prove to be a successful partnership moving forward. We play each other in a friendly fixture this coming Saturday 4th at home. Kick of at 3pm... Come on Tooting !!!!!


After this on Tuesday 7th May we all head of to Dorking to see the Surrey Senior Cup Final with Met Police. They are in the play offs in their division and will be a hard team to beat. But on our day we can out play anyone and with what I should imagine will be a loud vocal following of Travelling Terrors anything can happen. We have always had good away support and this game will be no different.....

Met Police hooligan firm "The Rozzers" packing the terraces of Imber Court before starting yet another disgusting afternoon of football violence and thuggery.

A big thanks to all the people who follow in on twitter has I've now got over 600 followers, most of which may well be Russian Sex Bots but I'm still chuffed that anyone
A/ Reads my rubbish.
B/ Reads more of my rubbish on Twitter.

So a big hug and cuddle from me xxx

Up The Stripes !!!

Groovy

Greetings Readers….. More tales from the Wandle Riverbank via the plush surroundings of Hackbridge Towers. In what may turn out to be the highlight of my footballing season Tory MP with either the worst ever  hair cut or worst ever syrup in the history of British Politics Michael Fabricant has outed himself as a Dulwich Hamlet supporter, which has proved to me two things, one, that there is a God and two that the Almighty doesn't like Dulwich that much either.....

 The meet the manager night up at the Ramble Inn went well with what I thought would just be an hour or so ending up being a good few hours in the company of fellow Terrors and of course Ash, who I promise you is a great bloke who really cares about everything connected with Tooting and Mitcham. Also, good to spend a bit of time with both Nick from Predator Pest Solutions and of course Jimmy from the Ramble, two people who have done a lot behind the scenes with sponsorship and support over the last couple of seasons. There are a lot of positive things going on both on and off the pitch. Please get involved in any way shape or form if you can spare a bit of time.

Look out for blogs from both Warren and Adam “Besty” who have started up the blog “South London Is Black and White”. Both relative new comers to Fortress Imperial but both very committed to the Terrors with a new way of looking at all things Black and White. Expect well thought out pieces of work rather than the childish and depressing stuff that I knock out when I can or the total lunacy of Sir Tim Magone’s work, who by the way still has not bought a fridge magnet from my upmarket super stall. Tight Bastard….

Please pay them a visit and contact them if you want to contribute any Terrors related articles.
Please click on the link below

https://www.southlondonisblackandwhite.com/

Well worth supporting and checking out, good to see the social media outlets growing with more TMUFC related sites and blogs. Both Adam and Warren are top blokes... buy them tea and beer and make them famous.

A big thanks to everyone who has bought stuff from the stall over the last few weeks it has allowed us in the supporter’s club to help out with player sponsorship and to help a bit with the race night which is taking place on Friday 12^th April… Every little helps and so if it’s only buying a pen it all adds up and helps around the club.

There is also going to be a fans forum at the ground this Wednesday 10th starting at 7pm so a chance to hear from various groups and people what is planned for the future. Please come along if you get the chance.

Well now to events on the pitch. I ended up missing the Uxbridge away game which of course meant I missed the 1-0 victory. Not missed too many away games this year but I do enjoy our travels. Plus the fact, our away form has been good this year and in truth if our home form had in parts matched it, the play offs could have been easily in our grasp. But as I said at the start of season I’d be happy for a middle table finish and at the time of writing it looks as if we will finish just outside the play off places.
Monday Night 1^st April was the chance to see the Under 23s who needed to beat Ramsgate to be crowned champions. A few die hards turned out for what would be a frustrating night for The Terrors as they missed a few sitters at the end as the game ended 0-0. Toots just need one more point to win the league, shame it didn't happen at Fortress Imperial. The under 23s have been really impressive this season and things are looking very positive for the future. Plenty of scouts from various league clubs turning up to see our crop of youngsters which just proves how right things are turning out at Tooting. Just to renforce things, one of my favorite players Isiah Jones has signed for Middlesboro and I wish him all the best.
Tuesday meant that loads of Terrors made the short journey down to Banstead for the Surrey Senior Cup semi final and the last real chance of claiming any silverware this season. After a few days of sun the weather looked pretty bleak for the trip though the urban hell hole of Sutton, home of the new Greggs superstore and restaurant. On what was to be a freezing night in March the Terrors over came Banstead Athletic in a rather dull game in which both teams were worried about losing. A second half penalty was enough to send us through to the Final which will take place at Dorking's new ground on Tuesday May 7th.

Should be loads of Terrors there so if you only get to one more game this season, make it this one. The only bad point for me was when I was verbaly assaulted  by The Shoe Box Sex God Bornatotter who shouted "Scum" at me as I quietly sat in the bar talking to chums. Bullying is wrong weather phyiscal or mental. It really shows what a great big fat poo pants the banjo playing lefty knob jockey really is.

Well Saturday meant a visit from the "Moists" from Molesey whos ground has matched Leatherheads in biblical tales of flooding and damp patches this season which takes some doing.

Toots running out 2-0 winners with two great goals from Tope Fadahunsi and yet another from Danny Bassett.
Should have and could have scored more but still a good game with other results still keeping us in with a chance of the play offs.
Spend the game with Lee from the St Matthews Project which was a good chance for two elderly gentleman to have a good moan and put the world to rights.
Another link below to click on to see what brilliant work they are doing in helping youngsters get involved in football and away from other distractions.

http://www.thesmp.net/


Please click on the link below for Bog End Ant's take on the Molesey game.

Bog End Ant

Please add and subscribe to his channel which is getting better and better. Can't be long before BT Sports come knocking on the door to offer him a job as a pundit.

Well my Ancestry DNA results came back which along with the standard and expected split between Ireland, Scotland, England and Wales threw in the fact I am 1% Swedish, which has helped explain a few things. I had always fancied the blonde one out of Abba when I was younger….. That big fat bum and hips really did it for me all those years ago and of course his sexy little beard.

 

 

Up the Stripes !!!!

Poo Pantsy

Dear reader... All good things come to an end, the happiness and joy that have had me skipping around Mitcham with a smile as big as Beddington Park Sewage treatment works have been replaced by bitterness and hatred as the black clouds of doom and gloom spread to Hackbridge Towers and the surrounding areas. Missed the away day victory at Chalfont and ended up at Raynes Park Vale v Sutton Common Rovers which ended up with having four players sent off, ranting fans from both side who managed to make the terraces of TMUFC seem full of church goers and mutes. SCR won one nil by the way.... Don't let anyone say that Non League is boring. If you want to spend 90mins in the company of people loosing it big time visit your local Non League club and keep an eye on the stands and terraces.

 

 

 "Bitter hate filled old man in twisted football based rant"

 

Now it's very easy to blame match officials when you lose a match. It's very easy to look for excuses for your beloved team bad performances.... But..... It's true this time.

The ref for our game against top of the table Hayes and Yeading was truly fucking awful, turning the game into a little more than an ego trip for himself. Giving free kicks for the most minor of touches then completely missing blatant and sometimes violent infringements. H&Y first penalty looked harsh as in truth did our one.... The ref then somehow missed a nailed on free kick after a foul on Daryl Coleman and let H&Y play on a get their second goal  Can't comment on their second one which pretty much sowed the game up for the airport baggage molesters as I was getting something to eat thus saving myself the horror of watching their third goal. I've seen some pretty bad refs as I'm sure you have dear reader but this one would be in the top ten. Special mention must also go to the linesman who looked about  93 years old and who was also quite shite. People say you should respect your elders but it's fucking hard when they are that useless. He probably spent Saturday night drinking Horlicks wearing slippers and a dressing gown while the nursing home staff help change his nappy while listening to his anecdotes from his time fighting in the Boer War.

 

The team played well and should have come away with at least a point against a team who have knocked up some pretty impressive results this year. But as it was pointed out that if they have the same match officials it's no wonder they score so many goals. Hayes and Yeading have been one of the few good teams we've played this year and at least they brought along a decent amount of away supporters to Fortress Imperial. Must have made a nice change for many of them to head over to South London to get away from stealing suitcases or flying drones over Heathrow during their spare time.

It's looking like either them or Bracknell to win the title while the other clubs who make the play offs will have to contend with rules and spread sheet formulas which would test even someone like Carol Vorderman to work out. We are still in the mix for a play off place but don't ask me to explain how it will work this season if we do get there.
 

You'll be pleased to know that Bog End Ant has continued his fine work in spreading peace and love through out South London with his new Twitter account by getting blocked by the official Dulwich Hamlet twitter account for possibly upsetting a few with his review of their ground on google maps... And possibly most of his other posts on Twitter

                                                   Bog End Ant social media expert

 

Here's mine.....

Here's Bog End Ants Video Blog from the Hayes and Yeading game

Bog End Ant

Please subscribe and follow this little herbert and make him a rich and famous You Tube blogger

However, One Dulwich fan described the match day experience at TMUFC as  "Three dozen depressed old men and one potty-mouthed semi-feral child". Which in all honesty is pretty close to the truth.

 

 

 

 

Right now here are King Timmys views on the Terrors away days over at Molesey and Chipstead:

 

MOLESEY MONSOON, BAMBI THE STOCKBROKER AND A CITIZEN’S ARREST

 The Black and White Army returned to its travels about a month ago with a trip west to the Land of the Setting Sun, otherwise known as Molesey. In truth, the sun didn’t bother to turn up at all, let alone dip beneath the horizon in a flame drenched finale. It was pissing with rain more or less all day and there were already puddles on the pitch as the first of the travelling hordes arrived. Probably not our greatest turnout but we still had the majority of a threadbare crowd.
The ref saw fit to go ahead and who could blame him. Football in a swamp has always appealed to me – either playing or watching. You may not see too many free-flowing moves but it does lend a blood and guts feel to proceedings. As a deluded young fan, most of my finest hours were spent watching the Mighty Terrors sweep all before them in the shark infested waters of Sandy Lane.
Not surprisingly, it was the likes of centre half Antonio Simeone who prospered, winning everything in the air and dealing with all that came his way against a competitive Molesey outfit. Yet it was the plum clad Terrors that held the upper hand, the in-form Darryl Coleman firing home from a well worked corner routine. And so it stayed, but at the interval, trickery and treachery were afoot behind the changing room doors. The Molesey players’ incessant wining as they made their way towards the moist but firm penalty area, pointing at drops of water and pretending to shudder, was enough to persuade the ref to call it a day.
For anyone who doesn’t believe in conspiracies, how many Tooting matches in the last 40 years have been abandoned with us losing? The answer s a big fat round number and it’s less than one.  
Never mind: an afternoon of rural pornography in Chipstead beckoned the following week. The Surrey village is the bastard offspring of the Farming/Stockbroker union: pavements do not exist in this peculiar part of the world where 75% of the local populace run around in Countryfile licensed tanks and mow down anything that moves. Best to leave the roads well alone. I did so and strolled through about four miles of woods and fields, dreams of John Craven stirring my loins as I predictably got lost amongst the grazing sheep. I also spotted a young deer, skipping happily through the trees at some pace, blissfully unaware of the fate that awaited at the hands of some bastard in an armoured car on the nearby road.
There was some football as well – and with the Bog End hordes more than trebling the average gate – festive fun for all the family. There was abit too much social intercourse amongst the black and white brigade with idle chatter about modern gramophone music and crop rotation diluting what should have been a rampant atmosphere, especially when Darryl Coleman hit the target once again, bending a sweetly struck free kick into the far corner. We remained impressive almost to the end with Isaiah Jones stealing in at the far post to sweep home his tenth of the season midway through the half. But a mild-mannered panic set in when the Stockbrokers capitalized on a ref’s cock up (failing to award us an obvious free kick at the other end) and supplied a decent finish to generate a few nerve mangling moments as the locals pressed for an equalizer. Then came the last gasp heroics: breaking out from a corner, Saidou (Citizen) Khan took the ball half the length of the pitch, outpacing the defence before taking it round the keeper and applying a magisterial finish: 3-1 to the Stripes.
We’re back there again in the Surrey Cup under the candles in a fortnight. Be sure to bring a searchlight and an anti-tank gun, and to wear a trifle in your hair.

 

Tales From The Riverbank

Hello readers, another resonably happy blog from the banks of the Wandle.Things going well after our jounery to Westfield the other week which I think would be fair to say was anything but happy.

                                                 Tales from the Wandle Riverbank
         "Dear Mishi, You and your muggy firm will get smashed all over the place, jog on mug"

First up, The Surrey Senior Cup 2nd round El Classico against Good old Corinthain Casuals my favorite team in pink, not like that other lot of squatting bastards who've covered Fortress Imperial in stickers and dumped a great big fucking pink and blue caravan up near the far end bogs.......

Also good to play a team with a vocal away support which is something this Bostik South Central has shown very little of. The occasional bumpkin with a drum has turned up to try and drown out the Bog Ends finest and the moaning old gits who sit in the stands swearing at everything and everybody. So it was good to have a collection of old punks, drunks and lunatics turn up from along the A3 to cheers the Casuals on. I should be bitter a twisted and hate the fact they are more than holding their own in the Bostik Premiership but I'm glad for them and honestly hope we'll play each other in league games in that division soon. Whether I'd be so nice about them if we'd lost might have to be taken into consideration when reading this but we went through on penalties into the next round of the Surrey Senior Cup where I personally hope we get one of the big glamour clubs like Sutton (Cough).

Then on Saturday, another great fightback from the Terrors saw them get a draw against Bracknell Town after going two down in a other 10 or so minutes in the first half that are best forgotten.Nearly sneaked it at the end but if one thing has come from this season so far there is a lot of fight and good team sprirt this year. The occasional hic up but we'd hopefully pulled ourselves out of the start of season slump which almost broke my poor old heart and had me reaching for the tissues.

In other business news... The supporters club shop had it's grand opening that day and just like when that bloke from Harrods had a stake in Fulham and stuck a statue of Michael Jackson up outside the ground we are looking at getting a big brass statue of Bornatotter put up outside the ground in an effort to appeal to younger more hip type people than we currently get at Tooting games... Apart from me that is. Totts knows a lot about big brasses if the writing on the toilets walls of the Plough were anything to go by and although he supports Sutton I'm sure the statue will bring in hundreds of new fans to watch the Terrors battle their way through the dark, cold wet winter months.

They are opening a Lidl superstore in Hackbridge soon so I'm expecting a call from their head office asking for advice on the local area and the obivous gentifacation that going on around my manor. They might even open a Costa Coffee or Pret now which will allow myself and Mrs H to sit outside reading the guardian while drinking a coconut soya skinny latte while watching a tramp having a shit in a bin.

No game for the Terrors this coming Saturday and think it might be best if I get at least some of the Christmas Shopping done rather than watch another game while Mrs H going around Croydon on her own carrying heavy shopping bags full of festive shite.

Talking about Christmas Gifts. Jeff B has writen a book on the 1959 FA Cup game against Nottingham Forest "We Woz Robbed In '59 - Tooting and Mitcham United's epic 1958/59 season" and the build up and aftermath of the match.Price £10.00

Here's Jeff with a plug for his book taken from the "Bog End Forum"
The older members of this Forum ( ie most of you ! ) will recall that, back in 2002, I wrote and published a book " Tooting On The Move - A Farewell To Sandy Lane ". Well, I have been at it again. My new book " We Woz Robbed In '59 - Tooting and Mitcham United's epic 1958/59 season , set to a background of social events of the time " is due to go off to the printers later this week. I hope to have some copies with me for sale, at £10-00 each, at the home game v Uxbridge on Saturday 8th. December. Copies will also be available to buy by post. As the title implies the book is not just about the club's season but also about what was going on locally at the time - music, employment, politics crime, etc. About 115 pages, lots of photographs. Hopefully, a good read ! Maybe a Xmas present !


We are hoping to have some copies for sale at the home game v Uxbridge on Saturday 8th. December. I will also put up on Twitter and other Social media of how to get copies directly from Jeff

Please email Jeff  on  brooksjeff18@aol.com  for more information and purchasing details.

Well dear reader.. Another happy ending..... Peace and Love "HH" xxx

That's my Boy.....

Sorry I've been away for a couple of weeks and I'm sure you've all missed my tales of Doom and Gloom. I've recently started a new job and as we all know adult life sometimes has to take over and make you concentrate on more important things other than going to some place in the middle of nowhere and shouting abuse at people you've never meet before for 90 minutes then going home and writing about it. Well at lot has happened in that time since I last took a sniff of Bostiks finest and sat down at the PC to write down my innermost feelings. First some good feed back from our Foodbank collection which took place when we played Ashford Town a couple of months ago
Below is an email from Wandsworth Food Banks which I received.

Dear Steve

Thank you so much for the amazing generosity of the Tooting and Mitcham United Football Club to the Wandsworth Foodbank. We are very moved by your kindness. 

The food donations weighed in at75.1kg which we estimate will provide 179 meals for local families in crisis.

We are putting the £34.70 towards our Christmas Appeal in which we are raising funds to give each foodbank guest a supermarket gift voucher in December, so that they can chose some fresh food and other essentials at Christmas time.

And finally thank you for the added bonus of the season tickets which have been discussed on numerous occasions in the office and possibly already put into use by the foodbank team.

 

We are very grateful for your support.

With best wishes

Pat

Pat Gabriel

Wandsworth Foodbank 

Cheers to everyone who helped out with this. I'll get another one arranged in the New Year

Well the squatters will shortly fuck off home and we will get Fortress Imperial all to ourselves again.The Media lovies have been all over the return of Dulwich to Champion Hill like a rash , which has lead to some right cringe worthy stuff going up online and in the press but I can't really blame them after all it seemed for a while that they could have ended up going out of business which no one wanted... Well apart from one 13 year old from Hackbridge.

Glad for all the hard working people at DHFC who have put so much time and effort to get things

sorted and to return home. I've meet some good people connected with them.

But before you accuse me of being in some kind of love in with the "Pinkies" I must remind you that Bogend Ant is the fruit of my loins and since the day they started squatting has oozed hatred at them in every way shape or form. he has been involved in all kinds of Twitter wars and arguments some of which turned out as ugly and nasty as Mishi's toe. In all honestly he has hated them since the first time he went to see Tooting and Mitcham. Hopefully the Non League family that all joined together to help and support Dulwich Hamlet in their struggle can now go back to taking the piss out of them when they return to Champion Hill.

 

 

 

Bogend Ant... In the words of Tom and Jerry characters Butch and Spike... "That's My Boy".

Next up was the little matter of TMUFC hitting a series of four away games on the trot starting with a trip to The Surrey commuter belt land of Egham for what would turn out to be quite an eventful match in many ways. Is there such a thing as a bad game of football that ends 4-3 ... ?

In truth I would have said no until witnessing this game. 3-1 down when the half time whistle blew which sent the travelling Bog End in a near hysterical mutiny. But the second half was to produce 3 Toots goals and spark a another pitch invasion for TMUFC and we snatched a win from what looked like a certain defeat 45 minutes earlier. If I'm honest despite the comeback I was still angry over the first 45 minutes to really appreciate  what the players had done and got home still feeling rather pissed of with the season so far. Thus proving that even 4 goals away from home and I'm still a miserable old bastard.
Great old school ground at Egham but Ant was disappointed in the lack of chips on sale but all in all I wish them well. A little gang of Herberts aged between 12 and 15 stood behind the goal during the second half singing songs about some of our more weighty supporters and the lack of dental hygiene in others."Where's your teeth, Where's your teeth" sang the Herberts. The travelling terrors replied with songs about "Going back to school on Monday" and were hit straight back with "You're going back to your care home" Cheeky little fuckers... Weather they'll still be cheeky in a couple of years time when dressed in Stone Island and being interviewed by Danny Dyer or Ross Kemp after going on a wrecking spree around the Bostik South Central remains to be seen. Anyway 3 points and a much needed win.

Next a trip up Norf to FC Romania who play at Cheshunts ground. Didn't make the trip but
informed by those who did get up there it was a good performance and another 4-1 away win good win. All said as well what a friendly club FC Romania was. They have struggled this season but seeing as they have only been going for a few years their story has been quiet something. Beating two clubs below us in the league at that point helped put a bit of distance between us and the two relegation places

Next up Hanwell away, another trip to a cold damp West London. I'd not been to that neck of the woods in around 40 years since heading over there to get a couple of tattoos done by an biker who was not to fussed about how old the people were he was inking. Hanwell also play in Black and White stripes and I'm reliably informed some of our travelling support were cheering on the home side in the belief that it was The Mighty Terrors. A good 2-1 win in front of a small but hardy group of Tooting's Finest and so far what I think has been TMUFC best performance of the season so far. Which gave me a chance to shout out the score to people waiting at the bust stop outside the ground who obviously were hanging around in the cold to find out if we won or not. Well impressed with the chips as well and if you get the chance read Bog End Ant's blog.

 

 

 

 

http://anthonyharrold.blogspot.com

But don't take my word for it... Here's His Royal Highness The Prince of Wandle Tim Megones match review from Hanwell

PLUM PARADE

The unbeaten run in plum continued a few weeks ago with the trip to Hanwell Town - yet another of the millions of clubs in our league that cling to the outskirts of Heathrow - in the London Cup. There are two important facts about Hanwell, the first being that they have a giant electronic scoreboard for no apparent reason and the second that they are nicknamed the Geordies. It’s easy to understand why, especially if you strode purposefully, as I did that night, along the imposing footbridge that crosses the mighty freeway known as Western Avenue, and spied from on high the Wembley Stadium Arch. If you have taken the wrong medication, and bearing in mind there was a misty drizzle that night, you could easily mistake the Arch for the Angel of the North and think that you were on the way to St James’ Park. Hanwell also play in black and white stripes, but so do we and no one has branded us ‘Geordies’, or indeed labelled Hanwell ‘Terrors’. And anyhow, that night we ditched the stripes and got our plums out for the lads (I’m not sure I spotted any women in the crowd of 53).   

Aided by Abraham Odoh’s all action endeavour and visionary passing, we took control and cruised into a 2-0 half time lead with a couple of clinical finishes from Elijah Simpson. Despite a goal from Hanwell soon after the break, we were even more dominant in the second half with Razzaq Coleman firing us 3-1 ahead and a raking long range strike from Kadeem Ajeon putting the icing on the cake. All that was left after a polished 70-minute performance was a complacent exhibition of crap showboating from our heroes, which could have landed us in severe trouble, but we staggered home 4-3. 

The Hanwell keeper had suggested to Bog End investigators that the Middlesex club were fielding a weakened team (somewhat surprisingly, as the London Senior Cup remains the world’s most prestigious piece of silverware), as to some extent, were we. I assumed this was the kind of sour grapes bollocks riposte that players and fans employ as a mid-humiliation defence mechanism. It certainly works for me. But we played our stripey Geordie chums again in the league on Saturday, again dressed as unripe plums, and it turns out the keeper was telling the unvarnished truth. He was himself one of several casualties in a bloody purge with the strengthened line-up featuring about nine other changes. 

Unperturbed by a meaner leaner looking display from our high-ish flying opponents, we eased our way into the contest and began once again to take control, though it took a crucial save from impressive new keeper Luke Colquhoun to keep us on track.

Set piece goals from Tooting used to feature as about as often as snow leopards in Basildon, but all of that seems to be changing, as we tore into the lead from a corner shortly before the break, with Peter Wedgworth’s swirling delivery finding its way through a forest of heads to Dominic Morgan Griffiths who nodded home. 

Hanwell equalized early in the second half, but with Isaiah Jones at his rampant best and tormenting and terrorizing the defence, we were not to be denied. Danny Bassett, a man on fire, deftly controlling, then thrashing the ball home from another set piece. After several weeks of darkness and despair, three away wins on the spin, have propelled us through the ozone layer and into an unlikely seventh place. It’s another away trip tomorrow, this time to League leaders Waltham Abbey. Bring it on.

So as it stood 3 wins and 9 points which has lead us to shoot up the table and for the moment put fears of a back to back relegation on hold for hopefully the rest of the season. As we proudly rose to seventh in the table we then travelled to Waltham Abbey for a Top of The Table Clash (cough), for the forth away game. Waltham Abbey sitting at the top of the league table ready to take on the pride of South London. This would be a big test..... One that I would miss due to major traffic problems at the Dartford crossing which meant a small group of Terrors ended up watching two local teams Colliers Wood v Balham play an entertaining game off the A3 Colliers Wood winning 1-0.
Please check out the link below to what I hope will be one of Ants first steps into film making and a career making multi million dollar blockbusting films allowing him to buy his Dad a fucking big house and a flash car

Bogend Ants Video Blog

Of course TMUFC won 2-0 without me there to cheer them on. Sods law. Tooting beat the top of the table club on their own patch and I miss it. But I'm still happy.... And thats how I'm going to end this blog.... Smiling, which as you know if you've read any of my other stuff is very rare indeed

 

Massive thanks to Tim Magone, Bogent Ant and Dave Irons who has taken me and Ant to so many games over the last few years.

Plum Army

Well the new away strip has had a couple of outings now and in truth there has not been the anger and outrage which I thought there would be from the massed ranks of the Gammony Bog End. "Plum Army" sing the Travelling Toots and in fact there are now a number of Plum related songs for us Terrors to sing.... Remember it's not pink.... well maybe just a little bit

I suppose it's all down to the love in between ourselves and Dulwich Hamlet since they started squatting with us last season. In the age when North and South Korean leaders can shake hands and be left in the same room as each other with out coming to blows maybe the world is changing for the better. Tooting and Mitcham wearing a Pinkish (Plum) away strip to show support and solidarity with Dulwich Hamlet and Dulwich Hamlet being in the bottom half of the table to show their support and solidarity with Tooting and Mitcham.

The food bank collection on Saturday 15th against Ashford Town went well and a big thanks to the people who helped me get this arranged and a really big thanks to Sam and Tim for dropping the collection off to the brilliant people over at Wandsworth Foodbanks. A terrible shame that places like this are around in this day and age. The Terrors did me proud in the day as well as loads of various food items a collection was also made which got sent over as well.  Cheers Everyone x
Of course in the true sprit of charity Tooting and Mitcham donated 3 points to Ashford Town in a match I'm quite glad to say I missed most of....

Yours truly doing the Foodbank collection... Looking like I've just helped myself to a load of the stuff.

Next game however was Margate in the League Cup. Never been that keen on that particular  seaside town and to be perfectly honest the sooner global warming comes along and turns the place into fucking Atlantis the better. But Toots won 2-0 so a happy night for 70 or so paying punters who turned up for a competition we have regularly been pants in. Went home very happy and so far this season we have had our good performances in the various cup competitions, so put your money on us winning the Surrey Senior and getting relegated. Could be worth a punt.

The Road To Wembley..........Maybe next year

So after the last minute winner in the FA Cup against Horsham YMCA  we were drawn away to Woking in the next round. A last minute goal for Tooting is a rare thing unlike the last minute goals given away by Toots which is quite common..... And we had a player sent off which is par for the course as well. Woking are flying high in their league but they were beaten at home by Dulwich so there's always a chance. Could be the giant killing we have all been waiting for !!!!!! When Dulwich played there in the league there was ground segregation no doubt to stop the citizens of Woking having to try and watch the game without having some pink clad loon wave an inflatable giraffe or palm tree in their face while banging on a sodding cow bell. They are a strange lot who follow Dulwich, trying to make supporting their team a fun filled event full of happiness, joy and smiles. Something we don't tend too do at Tooting and Mitcham and quite frankly we all look down on people who enjoy themselves when going to football.... It's just not the "Tooting" way. Glad to see that no one on the Bog End brings anything inflatable to games although I have a feeling that behind closed doors there are a few inflatables in regular use by one or two of our supporters.

Well Dear Reader we lost 4-0 but the score really didn't reflect the effort and hard work the team put into the game. Had a good laugh at the Kingfield Stadium with a rather vocal group of Terrors who sung their heads off for the entire game.

Paul Weller comes from Woking and I will happily admit that the first few Jam albums were some of the best bits of music released in the late 70's but the last couple of Jam albums and that Style Council shite leaves me cold plus the fact he strikes me as being only just a little bit less of a tit than either Bono or Sting. I believe he likes to be known as The  Modfather which in all honesty sounds better than "That Smug Twat" which he is known as in Hackbridge Towers. H G Wells also lived there for a bit and I'd rather listen to him playing Bagpipes and banging on dust bin lids after a glue sniffing session than having to sit through anything Weller has come up with in the last 30 or so years. Modfather my arse.....

"We are the plums, we are the plums, we are, we are, we are the plums"
"We are the plums, we are the plums, we are, we are, we are the plums"
"We are the plums, we are the plums, we are, we are, we are the plums"

Continuity and revenge - Words of wisdom from Sir Timothy Megone

CONTINUITY AND REVENGE




More words of wisdom from Sir Timothy Megone. The leader of the Tooty Wooty Boot Boys. Trade unionist and old punk rocker... So make yourself a nice cup of tea and settle down with this excellent piece of literature from this glue sniffing lefty yobbo.

Last season’s calamitous collapse and capitulation by the Once Mighty Stripes was a bitter pill to swallow and I’m not sure that many of the stricken hordes have yet recovered.
A summer time stroll to the club to sample the thrills and spills of England and Belgium playing charades stabbed home the bitter truth - with the sign of Satan proudly exhibited over the turnstiles and no similar display to mark our own increasingly flatulent presence.
There’s no question that it was the right decision to allow the Devil’s Omelettes through our gates – threatened as they were with extinction at the hands of a grasping landlord. Their demise would have deprived us of the pleasures that only searing hatred can give, though that is all fairly academic now with their elevation to loftier climes and our simultaneous plummet into the bowels of this god forsaken planet.
At the Emperor’s Pastures, we have been used to playing second, third or fourth fiddle to lacrosse, weddings and probably dogging, but to have that mob take over on the footballing priority front is surely one affront to humanity too far.
Meanwhile, we have slithered beneath just about every comparable rival club in the South London/Surrey area, with the likes of Sutton and Bromley light years away, and villages such as Merstham and Walton Casuals looking down on us from on high. Our big local derby this year will be the encounter with stockbroking farmers Chipstead (I gather all tickets are sold for the Bank Holiday Clash) while, as one embittered jester pointed out, we can look forward to other all Surrey encounters against a cartoon (South Park) and a shopping centre (Westfield).
Still as the Terrors have spent most of my footballing life demonstrating, no club is too big to be crap and we have to make the best of it in the Bostik South Central. Seeing most of last season’s squad in the bar that balmy June evening was vaguely reassuring, the players still wanting to stay with the club and hell bent on a quest to rescue our damaged pride and wreak murderous vengeance, maybe not against the likes of Staines and Billericay, but possibly society at large. They hadn’t become shit players overnight and here was the chance to prove it. All of this spiced up with spritely reinforcements from the Under 23 team, for, as Big Daddy Kane once warbled, ‘Children are the future.’ What could possibly go wrong?
Once again, I could feel the Fires from the Fields moisten my loins. No one could ever take the magic of two seasons ago away from us and we want it all back. There can be no going back, no surrender, the banners unfurled for the start of the new season … and what a fucking car crash it was, away to Northwood, a ground where corpses from the neighbouring cemetery are hastily brought in to reinforce the crowd, and balance out the large Tooting contingent. 3-1 up with twelve minutes to go, we stylishly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, and it was back to the darkened room and mind-altering substances for the returning hordes. 
Surely it would all be different at the theatre of terror, as we entertained the Children of Ken Barlow, a Morris dancing troupe from Marlow. The turnout wasn’t bad but it’s hard to get a crowd going when you’ve just had your soul sucked inside out. In the end, there was almost a sense of relief at the stodgy but wholesome fare that was dumped before us, solid defending and the odd chance, a snapshot from a well fed looking Billy Dunn and a crisp header from Dominic Morgan Griffiths - both fizzing inches wide  - testament to our unrewarded superiority in a goalless thriller. At least we didn’t lose. From small acorns …

Bloody Squatters

Tooting and Mitcham ground share article

An article taken from the inews.co.uk written by Will Magee.

Bloody Squatters.....