Monday, April 29, 2019

Cheeky Cheeky....

Hi Groovy Gang.... More words of wisdom from Hackbridge Towers on the glorious Toots.
So the last game of the 2018-19 season was a home fixture against FC Romania, a team formed a few years ago from Romanians living and working in London. They started right at the bottom and have successfully made their way up the footballing ladder. I missed the game at their place but those who went said what a friendly club they were and I'm glad they avoided relegation which at the start of the season might have seemed possible. Stories like this are great and just show that although we have lost some great and famous clubs over the years that there are always new ones to take their place.

Romania has also given us Count Dracula and the Cheeky Girls so I sent off to Fortress Imperial after locking up the local virgins in Hackbridge hoping for an exciting afternoon of neck biting, bat transformation and bottom molesting but alas my neck remained bite free and no one fondled my buttocks in our 2-1 victory. A game which only really came to life in the last 15mins.

Gabriela and Monica waiting for the Tram at Wimbledon Station before heading  to Tooting and Mitcham ready for an afternoon of bottom touching.

At the end of the game myself and Dave Irons presented the Supporters club trophies in the club bar. Antonio Simeone was voted player of the season... Well deserved in my opinion and it's been great to have him back this year. Dominic Morgan Griffiths came 2nd with Isaiah Jones coming in 3rd. Plenty of votes were cast and pretty much every player got voted for which shows how well the whole team has played well this season. Ajani Domingo-Carrington won goal of the season for his goal against Chalfont. Isaiah's goal at the away game at Marlow also received a number of votes.

Vote for the best game was the 4-3 victory at Egham and worse was Northwood away. A big thanks to everyone who voted and a really big thanks to Dave Irons and Charlie Till for getting the trophies and doing the count up of the votes cast.

Cheers to Kevin Cummins for the photo of myself and Dave Irons presenting Antonio with the   Supporters Player of The Season Award.

So after the 2-1 victory, we finished in 6th place, just outside the play offs. A position I would have given my right hand for after the first 45 mins at Egham Town away back in October last year. We had lost all but one of our league games, a couple in quite spectacular style and were 3-1 down and the travelling Terrors were about the most angry I've ever seen. Which Dear reader if you know anything about TMUFC is quite a statement to make.... The second half is seen by many as the time when things turned around. Three second half goals saw us snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. We had had some good cup results in the various trophies Toots enter every season so there was a sense that things would/ could change after the final whistle.... And they did. This started a good run for the Terrors which put us into the top ten in the table which we stayed in for the rest of the season. Apart from the defeat at Westfield away I can't think of any other games in which we really didn't put a shift in. I've enjoyed this league campaign and their is defiantly a good sense of optimism around the place now.  The management and coaching team deserve a lot of credit for what they have achieved and the football style we play. Well done....

I know there have been a number of moans and groans about playing in the South Central but I believe we have a better chance of making the play offs or going up from this league than being moved across to the South East league where some better known clubs await. Admittedly we have no geographical or historical rivals in this division but our home crowds have been better attended by our own fans this season than last. I was worried that we would be playing home games in front of crowds around the 100 mark after last seasons relegation but I've been proved wrong. Again though not many clubs brought an away following to Fortress Imperial, those that did are looking at promotion anyway.

As for our friends and local rivals, I'm very pleased to see Corinthian Casuals hold there own in the premiership, Carshalton at the time of writing are in the play offs against Merstham which could lead to back to back promotions for the Robins. Dulwich are happy back in their car park and although they nearly got dragged into the relegation battle they stayed just outside and continue to get huge crowds over at Champion Hill. Sutton's season although not as good as last year they still managed to be a major pain in the arse to a number of so called bigger clubs and their fans.  I should be green with envy and although I wish we were in a higher division I've seen enough change at Toots to feel very optimistic for the 2019-20 season. Behind the scenes more people have been getting on board and helping out around the place and there is a better feeling about the club and how things are going. Just remember how things were at the end of last season and how many of us wondered how we could cope in the future. We  have new noisy neighbours for next season with Tooting Bec playing their fixtures at Fortress Imperial in what we all hope with prove to be a successful partnership moving forward. We play each other in a friendly fixture this coming Saturday 4th at home. Kick of at 3pm... Come on Tooting !!!!!

After this on Tuesday 7th May we all head of to Dorking to see the Surrey Senior Cup Final with Met Police. They are in the play offs in their division and will be a hard team to beat. But on our day we can out play anyone and with what I should imagine will be a loud vocal following of Travelling Terrors anything can happen. We have always had good away support and this game will be no different.....

Met Police hooligan firm "The Rozzers" packing the terraces of Imber Court before starting yet another disgusting afternoon of football violence and thuggery.

A big thanks to all the people who follow in on twitter has I've now got over 600 followers, most of which may well be Russian Sex Bots but I'm still chuffed that anyone
A/ Reads my rubbish.
B/ Reads more of my rubbish on Twitter.

So a big hug and cuddle from me xxx

Up The Stripes !!!

Monday, April 22, 2019

Disco Dancing Easter Bunnies

As we now head to the end of the season it's time for yet another view of the black and white world from my throne in Hackbridge Towers. You will all be pleased to know that Tim Magone finally purchased a bloody fridge magnet so my constant abuse, online trolling and verbal assaults have worked. If you don't want to suffer the pain and humiliation Tim went through... Buy a fridge magnet or pen from my high end shopping emporium. You've been warned.

"If you want my body and you think I'm sexy"

Right then, I now find myself with rather a large problem. Those chaps at the blog site southlondonisblackandwhite  are putting out really good stuff full of insightful football wisdom and well written content about Tooting and Mitcham far removed from the rabbling shite that I come out with, I will now have to up my game. Warren and Besty have been great additions to the Bog End Ranks and are looking for further contributors  When I say "Up my game" it means I probably won't so Dear Reader expect more of the same rubbish from me moving forward. I'm too old to change.
Please check out their blog by clicking on the link below.

And while I'm on the subject of young sods stealing my online thunder please check out the fruit of my loins Bog End Ants You Tube channel for his view of the black and white world, always worth checking out. Please subscribe to keep up with the latest Vlogs and please remember that the more successful the channel is, the more chance is that he will be able to buy me and Mrs H a six bedroomed home somewhere glamorous like Canvey Island

Bog End Ant

The "Race" night over at Fortress Imperial which was well attended and hopefully will be the start of many events held by the members club. Over £1600 was raised and the night was a great success. I continued my normal luck with picking winners by losing in every race while those around my counted their winnings with big grins and laughter. Events like this can help a lot with getting more funds to help the playing budget so please come along to any future events. I'm still waiting for the go ahead for my "Bog End Mud Wrestling and Mixed Martial Arts Custard Pie Fight" evening to get the ok.  
Saturday the 13th April saw another away day victory and another 3 points in the bag when the Terrors headed West to Ashford Town which will live long in the memory not for the game but for one of the most surreal pitch invasions I've ever seen and watching Tooting and Mitcham you do tend to see a few. After the first goal one of the travelling Terrors jumped on the pitch and did a little disco dance very similar the ones on show on Westminster Bridge by the climate protesters to impress the Ashford goalie and make him feel better about letting the goal in. This was either the first act of Extiction Rebellion the climate protest group or a result of too much alcohol by one of our regular pitch encroachers. This of course gave the travelling Bog End to relive the golden days of 1970s disco by spending the rest of the game strutting their funky stuff in a boogie wonderland (Ashford). It's never dull watching Tooting and you never really know what will happen when you walk through the turnstiles at a Toots game. We certainly have some characters at TMUFC.
The following Monday night was the under 23s game against Sittingbourne and the chance for them to finally get there hands on the championship trophy at long last. In what turned out to be a rather comfortable 6-1 victory the team claimed the top spot. I've watched the Under 23s a few times this season and been really impressed. The set up at TMUFC is really working well and the style of football played by all the teams is worth checking out. If you get the chance in the future try and get to some of the youth games and support them.

Easter Saturday was the TMUFC family day game against Chalfont St Peter. A crowd of 378 turned up on the free admission day for what would be a pretty good match on a very hot day. Chalfont's goalie making some good saves in a 1-1 draw which was a fair result in the end. The result however did put an end to any play off chances we may of had. A couple of good things apart from the new faces at the game was that I was able to entertain the crowd with my singing using a mobile PA unit supplied by Phil Nightingale who says I can use it at further home games which I'm sure everyone will look forward to. Saturday also marked the return of "Terror The Tiger" the club mascot and the chance for Phil to work of a few pounds in the hot sun while wearing the big furry suit. I'm told that there are various adult fetish groups and sites for people to dress up in animal gear and act in ways that would outrage the likes of Cliff Richard or Jacob Rees Moog so there may be yet another way for the club to make more money, I'm sure Phil won't mind.

Easter Monday saw the short away trip to South Park for what was our last away game of the 2018-19 season exactly two years to the days that we were crowned champions at Dorking (What ever happened to them ?). Another large group of travelling terrors headed down the A217 to watch a good defensive performance from "The Park" who had gone one nil up in the sixth minute. Toots got one back in the second half when Hady finally breached the solid South Park defensive wall. For the rest of the game yet another good goalkeeper kept us at bay in what was in truth a below average game for TMUFC. South Park are still in a relegation battle but the point they took from this 1-1 draw may well keep them up. A bit of controversy right at the end when Toots had a goal disallowed for offside but maybe if we're honest SP deserved something out of the game.

So FC Romania are our last opponents for this season when we play them next Saturday at Fortress Imperial.
See You There...

Now Available In the Club Shop 

Up The Stripes !!!

Saturday, April 6, 2019


Greetings Readers….. More tales from the Wandle Riverbank via the plush surroundings of Hackbridge Towers. In what may turn out to be the highlight of my footballing season Tory MP with either the worst ever  hair cut or worst ever syrup in the history of British Politics Michael Fabricant has outed himself as a Dulwich Hamlet supporter, which has proved to me two things, one, that there is a God and two that the Almighty doesn't like Dulwich that much either.....

 The meet the manager night up at the Ramble Inn went well with what I thought would just be an hour or so ending up being a good few hours in the company of fellow Terrors and of course Ash, who I promise you is a great bloke who really cares about everything connected with Tooting and Mitcham. Also, good to spend a bit of time with both Nick from Predator Pest Solutions and of course Jimmy from the Ramble, two people who have done a lot behind the scenes with sponsorship and support over the last couple of seasons. There are a lot of positive things going on both on and off the pitch. Please get involved in any way shape or form if you can spare a bit of time.

Look out for blogs from both Warren and Adam “Besty” who have started up the blog “South London Is Black and White”. Both relative new comers to Fortress Imperial but both very committed to the Terrors with a new way of looking at all things Black and White. Expect well thought out pieces of work rather than the childish and depressing stuff that I knock out when I can or the total lunacy of Sir Tim Magone’s work, who by the way still has not bought a fridge magnet from my upmarket super stall. Tight Bastard….

Please pay them a visit and contact them if you want to contribute any Terrors related articles.
Please click on the link below

Well worth supporting and checking out, good to see the social media outlets growing with more TMUFC related sites and blogs. Both Adam and Warren are top blokes... buy them tea and beer and make them famous.

A big thanks to everyone who has bought stuff from the stall over the last few weeks it has allowed us in the supporter’s club to help out with player sponsorship and to help a bit with the race night which is taking place on Friday 12th April… Every little helps and so if it’s only buying a pen it all adds up and helps around the club.

There is also going to be a fans forum at the ground this Wednesday 10th starting at 7pm so a chance to hear from various groups and people what is planned for the future. Please come along if you get the chance.

Well now to events on the pitch. I ended up missing the Uxbridge away game which of course meant I missed the 1-0 victory. Not missed too many away games this year but I do enjoy our travels. Plus the fact, our away form has been good this year and in truth if our home form had in parts matched it, the play offs could have been easily in our grasp. But as I said at the start of season I’d be happy for a middle table finish and at the time of writing it looks as if we will finish just outside the play off places.
Monday Night 1st April was the chance to see the Under 23s who needed to beat Ramsgate to be crowned champions. A few die hards turned out for what would be a frustrating night for The Terrors as they missed a few sitters at the end as the game ended 0-0. Toots just need one more point to win the league, shame it didn't happen at Fortress Imperial. The under 23s have been really impressive this season and things are looking very positive for the future. Plenty of scouts from various league clubs turning up to see our crop of youngsters which just proves how right things are turning out at Tooting. Just to renforce things, one of my favorite players Isiah Jones has signed for Middlesboro and I wish him all the best.
Tuesday meant that loads of Terrors made the short journey down to Banstead for the Surrey Senior Cup semi final and the last real chance of claiming any silverware this season. After a few days of sun the weather looked pretty bleak for the trip though the urban hell hole of Sutton, home of the new Greggs superstore and restaurant. On what was to be a freezing night in March the Terrors over came Banstead Athletic in a rather dull game in which both teams were worried about losing. A second half penalty was enough to send us through to the Final which will take place at Dorking's new ground on Tuesday May 7th.
Should be loads of Terrors there so if you only get to one more game this season, make it this one. The only bad point for me was when I was verbaly assaulted  by The Shoe Box Sex God Bornatotter who shouted "Scum" at me as I quietly sat in the bar talking to chums. Bullying is wrong weather phyiscal or mental. It really shows what a great big fat poo pants the banjo playing lefty knob jockey really is.

Well Saturday meant a visit from the "Moists" from Molesey whos ground has matched Leatherheads in biblical tales of flooding and damp patches this season which takes some doing.

Toots running out 2-0 winners with two great goals from Tope Fadahunsi and yet another from Danny Bassett.
Should have and could have scored more but still a good game with other results still keeping us in with a chance of the play offs.
Spend the game with Lee from the St Matthews Project which was a good chance for two elderly gentleman to have a good moan and put the world to rights.
Another link below to click on to see what brilliant work they are doing in helping youngsters get involved in football and away from other distractions.

Please click on the link below for Bog End Ant's take on the Molesey game.

Bog End Ant

Please add and subscribe to his channel which is getting better and better. Can't be long before BT Sports come knocking on the door to offer him a job as a pundit.

Well my Ancestry DNA results came back which along with the standard and expected split between Ireland, Scotland, England and Wales threw in the fact I am 1% Swedish, which has helped explain a few things. I had always fancied the blonde one out of Abba when I was younger….. That big fat bum and hips really did it for me all those years ago and of course his sexy little beard.


Up the Stripes !!!!