Monday, September 24, 2018

Plum Army

Well the new away strip has had a couple of outings now and in truth there has not been the anger and outrage which I thought there would be from the massed ranks of the Gammony Bog End. "Plum Army" sing the Travelling Toots and in fact there are now a number of Plum related songs for us Terrors to sing.... Remember it's not pink.... well maybe just a little bit

I suppose it's all down to the love in between ourselves and Dulwich Hamlet since they started squatting with us last season. In the age when North and South Korean leaders can shake hands and be left in the same room as each other with out coming to blows maybe the world is changing for the better. Tooting and Mitcham wearing a Pinkish (Plum) away strip to show support and solidarity with Dulwich Hamlet and Dulwich Hamlet being in the bottom half of the table to show their support and solidarity with Tooting and Mitcham.
The food bank collection on Saturday 15th against Ashford Town went well and a big thanks to the people who helped me get this arranged and a really big thanks to Sam and Tim for dropping the collection off to the brilliant people over at Wandsworth Foodbanks. A terrible shame that places like this are around in this day and age. The Terrors did me proud in the day as well as loads of various food items a collection was also made which got sent over as well.  Cheers Everyone x
Of course in the true sprit of charity Tooting and Mitcham donated 3 points to Ashford Town in a match I'm quite glad to say I missed most of....

Yours truly doing the Foodbank collection... Looking like I've just helped myself to a load of the stuff.

Next game however was Margate in the League Cup. Never been that keen on that particular  seaside town and to be perfectly honest the sooner global warming comes along and turns the place into fucking Atlantis the better. But Toots won 2-0 so a happy night for 70 or so paying punters who turned up for a competition we have regularly been pants in. Went home very happy and so far this season we have had our good performances in the various cup competitions, so put your money on us winning the Surrey Senior and getting relegated. Could be worth a punt.

The Road To Wembley..........Maybe next year

So after the last minute winner in the FA Cup against Horsham YMCA  we were drawn away to Woking in the next round. A last minute goal for Tooting is a rare thing unlike the last minute goals given away by Toots which is quite common..... And we had a player sent off which is par for the course as well. Woking are flying high in their league but they were beaten at home by Dulwich so there's always a chance. Could be the giant killing we have all been waiting for !!!!!! When Dulwich played there in the league there was ground segregation no doubt to stop the citizens of Woking having to try and watch the game without having some pink clad loon wave an inflatable giraffe or palm tree in their face while banging on a sodding cow bell. They are a strange lot who follow Dulwich, trying to make supporting their team a fun filled event full of happiness, joy and smiles. Something we don't tend too do at Tooting and Mitcham and quite frankly we all look down on people who enjoy themselves when going to football.... It's just not the "Tooting" way. Glad to see that no one on the Bog End brings anything inflatable to games although I have a feeling that behind closed doors there are a few inflatables in regular use by one or two of our supporters.

Well Dear Reader we lost 4-0 but the score really didn't reflect the effort and hard work the team put into the game. Had a good laugh at the Kingfield Stadium with a rather vocal group of Terrors who sung their heads off for the entire game.

Paul Weller comes from Woking and I will happily admit that the first few Jam albums were some of the best bits of music released in the late 70's but the last couple of Jam albums and that Style Council shite leaves me cold plus the fact he strikes me as being only just a little bit less of a tit than either Bono or Sting. I believe he likes to be known as The  Modfather which in all honesty sounds better than "That Smug Twat" which he is known as in Hackbridge Towers. H G Wells also lived there for a bit and I'd rather listen to him playing Bagpipes and banging on dust bin lids after a glue sniffing session than having to sit through anything Weller has come up with in the last 30 or so years. Modfather my arse.....

"We are the plums, we are the plums, we are, we are, we are the plums"
"We are the plums, we are the plums, we are, we are, we are the plums"
"We are the plums, we are the plums, we are, we are, we are the plums"

Friday, September 14, 2018

Sir Tim Megone writes again

There is a block buster movie out at the moment starring the world famous Shakespearean actor Jason Statham about a fucking great big prehistoric monster shark with a fucking big mouth called "Meg" At Tooting and Mitcham we have our own big mouthed prehistoric monster Meg... Sir Timothy Megone. If ever there was a man who should be starring in block buster movies fighting monsters it really should be "Our Timmy" as his stunning good looks and manly body would drive the public wild with desire and lust. Forget Idris Elba, Tim should be the next James Bond.
I am not a religious man but when ever I see Tim's words of wisdom I can not help but wonder about reincarnation and if that William Shakespeare has come back a bit like Dr Who into the body of Tim Megone

Here's Tim's take on Friday Night Football and the FA Cup.

Up until recently, I had always associated Friday nights with falling over in discos or silent vigils in forest clearings as druids burn effigies of pink and blue omelettes. But just over a fortnight ago, Friday became a by word for cup fever, in truth yet more humiliating recognition of our relegation to second class status at the Fields (Dulwich playing at ‘home’ the following day in the league), but an opportunity nonetheless for revival of the sacred cause.
As kick off approached, the bar was crowded but that horny sense of late summer anticipation was a million miles away. Instead, the stench of depression wafted amongst the hordes, shaking heads and bitterness the new currency on a scale not known for a good two decades.
The scars of last season had not healed: the complacency (only one team from 24 would go down, was the oft repeated refrain, surely it won’t be us?) that had set in so early during last season’s doomed relegation fight and been allowed to prevail unchecked almost to the end was not forgotten, nor forgiven. Just to rub salt in the wound, the popular but discarded player of the season, keeper Matt Pierson had left the club.
It’s worth recalling last season’s player of the year award, when Imperial Fields’ answer to the Oscars was held shortly after the gut-wrenching final home league defeat against Harlow, a near fatal wound that sent us sprawling in agony to the edge of the abyss (Met Police finishing the job with a couple of baton blows to the bollocks the following week).
With most of the fans that stayed desperate to be almost anywhere else, Golden Goal seller and Supporters’ club supremo Dave Irons gleefully announced the winner, only to find that Matt had already buggered off home. Undeterred, Dave - previously best known for bin chucking and moccasin tossing heroics - held the trophy aloft to bemused silence, while the remnants of the Bog End drank themselves into oblivion.    
Back to this season and the preliminary round FA Cup tie against Gatwick wannabes Horley Town from the Combined Counties League, a tier below the Mighty Stripes. Surely now was the time to get behind the young team, rather than castigate them for crimes not of their making. In theory, yes, but it was all a bit shit to begin with, the upstart baggage fondlers resisting with ease our faltering attempts to get forward. Horley grew in confidence and began to build a couple of attacks of their own: a dodgily awarded free kick ensued, followed by a speculative cross that drifted beyond young keeper Liam Sallis and into the net and yet another disaster loomed large.
Tooting looked stricken and more bitterness rent the air, but towards half time the tie was dramatically transformed, the ever-dangerous Isaiah Jones the catalyst for revival and riotous celebration. Shredding the defence with a trademark foray into the box, he was clipped from behind and the ref pointed to the spot to angry protests from the South Surrey runway squatters. Returning hero Billy Dunn strode up and netted with aplomb.
It was Billy again who found the net with a deft header from a Wedgeworth free kick to send the masses into ecstasy, the mood of the Bog End fervent once again, depression dispersed – at least for the time being. With Sallis growing in confidence and Nexus Beeden, built like a floodlight and dominant at the back, we took control in the second half, Isaiah continuing to torment the defence before eventually being scythed down once too often – ending his contribution for the night - by an ever more desperate defence. Fingernails were nibbled and bowels ripped open as injury time continued into the early morning for a nerve shredding climax, but we hung on and for the first time in months, tasted victory, and cast our gaze at the prospect of more cup frolics.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

In an industrial estate, far, far away.

Well by this time last year we had already had Staines put 6 past us in our second game of the 2017-18 season and then Enfield putting four past us at home. At least we have won one league game and picked up 4 points in 4 games. Not really the end of the world but seeing as I'm writing this the game after our trip to Hayes and Yeading United so I hope you can understand and forgive me yet another bleak and depressing blog. Yet we arrived in West London on the back of a 3-1 win against Chipstead who are in terms of this division our big local rivals. I can never be to harsh on them though as Trevor S... The bus driver and one of the nicest people you could ever meet goes there and does their Twitter feed. So two wins over the Bank Holiday period had set us up nicely for our second trip down the A40 in a couple of weeks... But it was to end in tears....

Now if you can remember and if you follow The Terrors, how could you ever forget, in our first game at Northwood we gave away a 3-1 lead and in the space of the last 15 minutes conceded 3 goals and lost the match 4-3. At H&Y in the space of 12 minutes we gave away a penalty had a player rightly sent off for a two footed challenge, gave away another scrappy goal and then to top it all off let in what was in all truth a fantastic shot to make it three goals and a sending off in 12 minutes. A bit later on the H&Y goalie made a good save from a penalty from Peter Wedgeworth after Isiah Jones was brought down after a good run into the box.


Yet another large group of travelling Terrors made the journey along the A40 to west London for yet another fun filled afternoon this time in the middle of an industrial estate stuck in the middle of nowhere.  Hayes and Yeading are second in the division and in all honesty were favourites' to win. Maybe if we'd not given the penalty away and had a player sent off we may well have lost anyway, but to hand the game to them on a plate when we were more than holding our own hurts. No chips on sale in the ground and building work still being carried out on what I'm sure will turn out to be quiet an impressive ground when the work is complete just added to the "Match Satisfaction". Just outside the ground is a beautiful looking Sheik Temple which brought back memories of Hendon away where the ground is overlooked by another very impressive and again beautiful Sheik Temple. Another thing that brought back memories of Hendon away was that there, last year, the same player was sent of for another bad challenge which lead to us getting stuffed 4-1 when trying to play a team at the top of table with only ten men. We have been described as "Promotion Favourites" by a number of people connected with the Bostik League, I can only imagine they have spent the last few months sniffing their company products and talking to people who haven't seen us play over the last 12 months. All clubs have high expectations for their respective teams. It seems like many over at Hayes and Yeading, players and supporters think they already have this division sown up and maybe they are right, quite a few of the travelling Terrors said as much themselves, but whether this was said to make themselves feel better about the result must also be taken into consideration. Many said the same about Staines Town last year after they totally stuffed us both home and away and they finished outside the play off places.

I don't expect TMUFC to win every match and I fully understand that there will be times when the footballing gods will laugh in our faces and the forces of darkness will descend upon us the great fury and anger. But we need to sort out this out sooner rather than later. We can look at the table and see other clubs who may well struggle in this league and who could be said to be out of their depth but we said that last year about Burgess Hill and Harlow who held up the bottom of the table until we stepped in near the end to take the one relegation place on offer. Two teams go down this season we need to make sure that we aren't one of them. We may well arguably be one of the best known teams in the Bostik South Central. I'm pretty sure we are the best supported at home and away. Tooting and Mitcham have a great History and are a well known club.... But that counts for nothing if the club doesn't start to gel together. Yes I know.... More Doom and Gloom but I care about this club and it's future and I honestly say that we could / should end up in a few years time in the Conference South which I believe a club like Tooting and Mitcham should aim for. This season I'll be happy with a mid table finish which will hopefully give us a stronger base to build on ready for the 2018 -19 season. Good cup runs would be a bonus and help take any pressure of the league. Don't let anybody tell you the Surrey and London cups aren't important. I've seen Toots win a couple of London Senior Cup Finals and loved every minute of it.

 Yes there are a number of plus points. The two home crowds have been significantly higher than expected and a lot of new faces have turned up to watch us play. The social media and promotional side has improved thanks to a large number of volunteers  who have help spread the word. On the pitch Isiah Jones is getting better every game and is a joy to watch. The goalie Liam Sallis is now finding his feet and showing what he can do after the unfair criticism which came his way at the start of the season. Many of the younger players coming through from the Under 23's are looking good and match experience at this level can only be good for their long term development.

Next trip for The Terrors is over to Horsham YMCA in the FA Cup. Will we be dancing like Village People or shoe gazing like Joy Division at 6pm next Saturday.