Saturday, March 23, 2019

Toots and Chunts

Well after what seems to have taken longer than Brexit to sort out Tooting and Mitcham managed to get the away fixture against Molesey played and they took the 3 points back to Fortress Imperial after going 3-0 up by half time and then letting two goals in during the second half just to bring the travelling Terrors back to earth with a jolt. I was not able to make the game so sat at home with Bog End Ant following the game online which proved to be a rather stressful 90 or so minutes, we both agreed to turn our phones of when Molesey got their second. Wedgie got sent off as well which makes it at least 43 red cards this season. It's not easy being a Terror on match days. TMUFC are one of those teams that even if they were 5-0 up in the 87th minute you still say to the bloke next to you "This could still go either way". I believe that we are now safe from relegation this season which means I now longer awake drenched in sweat and urine after another nightmare which sees us end up in a league playing various clubs named after Northern Line stations.
 Daryl Coleman now starts a 100 game ban after his "incident" at Bracknell which is a shame. Good to see him sign off on his break with a goal... Talking of which, the Terrors got a fair bit of exposure on Twitter after the Bracknell game, They say all publicity is good publicity so with that in mind Antonio Simeone OG  and the subsequent Twitter trolling I got when the clip of the goal made the rounds of various Non League sites was a good thing....ish
Antonio has been a rock since coming back this season.... And with that in mind I took the Twitter abuse on the chin and have spent the last few days praying to every god, idol and religious figure I could think of for Dulwich to balls up and someone to have it on film... I will get my revenge. There is still a chance they will get relegated. They lost to Oxford City so my animal sacrifices on Mitcham Common seem to be working, so fingers crossed. Now the squatters are firmly back in their Sainsbury's car park the love in is slowly reverting back to normal service and the hatred and banter is returning now that Mishi is thankfully getting back to full fitness. Not that Bog End Ant ever stopped.
Well it was Cheshunt's turn to play at the Fortress. I turned up at the ground to watch the Sutton United game in the bar and a chance to see the Shoe Box Love God Bornatotter and his sidekick "Dirty Barry" on the large screen. A very homoerotic sight they were as well. Looking like a "Right Said Fred" tribute band in the Northern wastelands of Chesterfield... I can only dream that one day it will be me on the big screen with the BT Sport cameras lingering on my handsome good looks as I'm beamed into millions of households all over the country. My day will come.
With a place in the play offs still mathematically possible we needed to get a good result against the high flying Chunts. Which of course means we lost. On the plus side no one got sent off and in fairness played well for long periods of time but the Footballing Gods had other ideas. Toots now need either snookers, or at least the five clubs above us to loose every game until the end of the season or a major biblical apocalypse for us to get into the play offs. Ways and Feading seemed to have sown the championship up and will hopefully celebrate by finishing building the toilets at their ground. Egham look doomed which is a shame and it looks as if our Footballing jinxes Staines way well be dropping into the division after getting totally stuffed in most of their games this season.
Still a few rumours that there may be further restructuring next season and that Staines going down may impact on what league we will play in.... Watch this space.
Up The Stripes !!!!

Saturday, March 16, 2019


Just spent a few hours writing down my inner most personal thoughts about the last few weeks of following TMUFC. A blog you all would have enjoyed reading and one that I'm sure a big Hollywood media mogul would have picked up on and offered me millions of pounds to turn into a huge blockbuster staring someone like Jason Statham as me. The new "Fever Pitch" for a new generation of football fans sick to death of watching "Green Street 4" on DVD... But just like the Terrors second half against Bracknell Town it all turned to poo and all the hard work got lost when my phone had some kind of fit and sent all my hard work into the dark world of the internet never to be seen again. So I've started again and this blog will be rubbish. You've been warned.

First things first. Sorry I've been quiet on here but my new job is taking up a lot of my free time and unlike my previous place of employment my new boss seems to have a problem with me spending all day on various social media sites slagging off Dulwich, putting the world to rights, trolling Sutton fans and telling the world how the Mighty Stripes are doing.  I was talking to one of the security guards at work and he asked me what team I supported, when I told him it was Tooting and Mitcham he looked at me as if I was some kind of mental case. Either he didn't understand how or why anyone would not want to watch the Sky TV Soccer Circus from the comfort of the sofa instead of going to games... Or he knew about Tooting and Mitcham and really thought I was a mental case supporting them.
Things going well behind the scenes at the Fortress Imperial with various events being arranged including a family day and a race evening on Friday April 12th. The supporters club will be sponsoring a race and I've got the chance to name a couple of horses. "Hunky Hackbridge" and "Bog End Love God" are looking like the ones I will go with. Bog End Ant will also be naming a horse so expect something about Dulwich.
The club shop is also going well... I say shop but it is in fact a six foot table which is set up just inside the ground. Badges, Fridge Magnets, Pens and Scarves on sale and of course you'll get to meet me.
We are also aiming to have old programmes on sale soon... Probably next season in truth and a number of kind people have donated a large selection of programmes from all over the world is well as Tooting games.


So back to the match action.... Tooting went west to Bracknell on the back of quite an impressive unbeaten streak with had seen us not loose since the game with Yayes and Heading. Yeah ok... a lot were draws but no one likes to loose do they. Even miserable old gits like me like a bit of happiness in there lives. We are now in the Semi Final of the Surrey Senior Cup, which although might not have the glamour of the Champions league or the history of the FA Cup, it's still a trophy and one I really want to see us win. The first 45 minutes were some of the best football I've seen for a long while, great passing and movement and really making the second placed team in the division look pretty poor on the own patch. A well taken goal from David Carty and a missed penalty from Daryl Coleman had the travelling Terrors looking for an upset But alas the second half  was to prove too much as a stupid challenge from DMG gave the home team a penalty and then an own goal which the Chuckle Brothers would have been proud of put Bracknell 2-1 up. Daryl Coleman then had a little disciplinary blip and got sent off yet again. A great player who has given us so much this season but I wish he'd calm down sometimes. Looking like a lengthy ban for him which is a shame. Of course the home team then scored a third which has pretty much ended any chance of getting into the play offs. So a game we had a good chance of getting something from went down the toilet in a way that even Theresa May would have struggled to arrange. In some ways Bracknell didn't beat us... We beat ourselves....just like a sadomasochist self harming hermit. Up The Stripes !!!