Sunday, December 26, 2021

Hackbridge Wonderland

Mention Westfield to most people they will think of the large shopping centres in and around London which, in turn make me dream of  "Dawn of the dead" type of days out. Well getting eaten alive by Zombies would have been preferable to witnessing  two of the worst Tooting performances that I have been "lucky" enough to witness over the last couple of years at Westfield ground in Woking.

         Merry Christmas Oiks

As Toots enter the Christmas holiday fixtures needing points, playing Westfield could either be the test the team needed to help kick start the season again or the chance for me to start the holiday period  looking at my online credit card statement while crying and praying for a Zombie apocalypse to put an end to this season sooner rather than later. 

A one nil victory in a game that will not live in the memory of those who turned their backs on Christmas shopping in Croydon for a Saturday afternoon in the freezing cold. Still, three points and I left Fortress Imperial feeling rather pleased which is more than could be said for Westfields twitter account writer who after moaning constatly about time wasting from TMUFC was trolled by various Terrors all though Saturday night. I've watched loads of clubs do it to us and it made me rather happy to do it back to someone at long last... But my happiness was short lived.

Like many, I work very long hours in a badly paid job. This means I miss the vast majority of mid-week away games. Every now and again I thank fuck for long hours as I missed the trip to Staines for what would turn out to be another "disappointing" result against a team which somehow was having up until then, a worse season than we are. I'm told by those in the know that we have so far played over 45 different players in our attempt to find our best match day squad. Even if this is down to the ongoing pandemic or injuries, we are strugling on the pitch to get things right. Not good is it.

There are some large splits in the ranks between fans and supporters about the direction the club is going. The club of "Progression" is not progressing that well. It's hard to sit on the fence when it is obvious to everyone that on the pitch things are going badly. I have accepted the fact that the best we can hope for is a mid table position in the league, there is still hope for a good cup run as we are still in a few trophies, but this season has been dreadful league wise. 

Yet again just to add to the joy, all other local teams all seem to be doing well but never the less we are still gettings loads of new faces in the stands and terraces at Toots, many now becoming regulars. Maybe there is some kind of masochistic sex cult in the area which involves regular bouts of pain and humiliation.

"Right, you dirty little pig. After you've finished the lawn, you can clean the toilet with your toothbursh and then go and watch Tooting and Mitcham"

So after Santa emptied his sack over the carpet at Hackbridge Towers there was the small matter of our away game with Sutton Common Rovers. Worth bearing in mind we would regularly play their Landlords Sutton United in games not so long ago. Now at the time of writing they sit in the play off positions in League two while we have Chipstead as our big local rivals or Sutton Common Rovers.... But..... The dreaded Bug struck again which meant no Christmas fixtures this year. On the plus it meant Christmas wasn't ruined by by another "Disappointing" result.

Shout Out Time !!!!!!!!!! 

Thanks and a Merry Christmas and fantastic New Year to Jimmy and everyone at the Ramble Inn up near Amen Corner in Tooting and thanks for their help and support over the last 12 months

St Matthews Project are still doing great community work and putting on various events over the Christmas period. A fantastic group of people. Great to chat with a couple of people from there at the Westfield game.
Please go and visit: 
And show them the support they deserve.

If you need a bit more intelligence with your reading material than this. Go and visit those South London Is Black and White Herberts for far better Terrors related stuff than this rubbish I come out with 

Last but not least, all the hard people over at Tooting and Mitcham who help out on match days and in many cases all though the week at Fortress Imperial. Thanks to all of you xxx

Christmas in Hackbridge Towers is always a happy occasion. We all sit around the table while I play the harmonica and Ant sings Christmas Carols with lyrics changed to mention how shit Dulwich are. Mrs H was really happy with her black designer "Sports Direct" bag which is the equivalent of a   Louis Vuitton handbag to the locals in Sutton, you can guess how envious the local ladies will be when we next visit the Asda. I've told her not to take it to the Asda on Beddington Lane though as she might well get mugged.

Bog end Ant has his £400 Stone Island underpants to wear on match days and I got a tube of Pringles. Hope Christmas was full of peace and love where ever you are.... 

Up The Terrors !!!!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

Heart Of Darkness

The Joseph Conrad story "Heart of Darkness" tells the tale of Charles Marlow, a sailor who takes on an assignment from a Belgian trading company as a ferry-boat captain in the African interior. This dark book is one I have read a number of times and would go as far to say it is one of my favourite books. It provided the inspiration for Francis Ford Coppola's epic 1979 film Apocalypse Now. A dark tale telling how normal men can turn into inhuman beasts, capable of committing the most dreadful of crimes. A story I can relate to after my trip back from Barking a couple of seasons ago.
 "You too can own this special commemorative 50 pence coin celebrating Tooting and Mitcham United's 2020 London Senior Cup Final victory over AFC Wimbledon for the special price of £79.99. These coins are a limited edition and will be highly sort after".

 Talking about bloody Marlow…… Yes, Dear reader, yet another defeat this time 2-1 at Fortress Imperial. Swap the mighty Congo or the Mekong Delta for the River Wandle and Steve Carpenter for Kurtz and you could do a sequel. The Police Helicopters that regularly fly over the Budge Lane estate could play Wagner out of loudspeakers as they hunt out signs of angry locals and burnt-out mopeds. 
 As for the game… You know what I’m going to say don’t you… Well, we should have got at least a point from this game but as per usual ended up with nothing to show for the hard work on the pitch. So, with that in mind, the last thing we really needed was a Tuesday night game against high flying Chertsey and guess what… You know what I’m going to say don’t you… Yes, Dear reader, another defeat this time 2-1 at Fortress Imperial. Well, we should have got at least a point from this game but as per usual ended up with nothing to show for the hard work on the pitch…… Oh for Fuck Sake. I could cut and paste my last few blogs and they would all look relevant. 
 We can go on and on about bad luck, I can mention the footballing gods having it in for us. We can all say how well we played and fought back, but the truth is, our defence can't defend, and our attack can't find the back of the net. I believe we are now on our fifth goalie so far in the season. The vast majority of goals conceded seem to be though defensive mistakes or bad communication at the back. I felt really down after the game against Chertsey, times like this I hate football. 

Those sexy chaps at South London Is Black and White set up a “Twitter Space” get together which gave us / me a chance to get things off our / my chest which was for me personally a good thing. 
And follow them on Twitter: @TaM_BaW 

 I’m sure they will be running so more counselling sessions in the future for us Terrors. Hope so. Spoke to Bog End Ant about doing one ourselves so watch this space.
"Right, just enough time for a quick wank before I log onto The Bog End forum"

 And then dear reader some joy. Just ignore my last couple of paragraphs of misrable bollocks... Sittingbourne beaten in the League Cup thingy trophy followed by back-to-back wins in the league against Chalfont and away to (Margaret) Thatcham. Neither games could be classed as being great matches, but I enjoyed them both immensely. We won ugly and against Thatcham even kept a clean sheet. Hurrah !!!! A good day out past Reading and hopefully next time we play them it will be on a nicer day weather wise. A good place to spend a Saturday afternoon. The locals were rather cruel about the dress sense of one of our fan’s choice of wet weather clothing, but we had the last laugh on the pitch. Of course, then we go and lose away to Binfield 1-0 after giving away a goal early on and we are back where we started. One step forward, two steps back. This season, Two clubs go straight down and third from bottom end up in some kind of playoff game with whoever finishes third in the division below. Not a game you would want to have at the end of the season. We are too good to go down. We have too many talented players to go down. Our management and coaches are too good to get relegated…. But it doesn’t matter. We can all name a team at some level on the Footballing pyramid who were “Too Good to Go Down” but did anyway. 
 A mid table finish seems very likely, but a couple more bad results could drag us back into the mix. A number of new players have come in and I feel a lot more optimistic than I did after the Chertsey game but obviously we need some more wins under our belts moving forward. 

 A shame to see Daryl Coleman leave. A great leader and fans favourite, I wish him the best wherever he goes. One of the worst things about football and no matter who you support is when popular players leave and go elsewhere. This happens a lot at our level and can happen for all manner of reasons. One good thing about our support is that we are always welcoming to our ex-players and generally always give out a warm welcome when paths cross. So, a lot to think about for the rest of the season. Will we turn things around, will we get hit with another lock down and will Jon Simpson ever wear that yellow jacket again? Only time will tell Dear Reader…. 

Her: He's thinking about other women.
Him: What coat shall I wear to Thatcham away next season.

 Up The Terrors !!!!