There's only one Harry...

Some things never change.... Summer turns to Autumn, tide’s ebb and flow, the moon rises and the sun sets.... Tooting and Mitcham go one nil down in the first five minutes and miss penalties... Mother Nature can be very cruel.

                  The Thinker

 It's quite mind blowing following the Mighty Toots. Brilliant one week, crap the next. I had high hopes for this season but it's looking as if we will need a huge change of fortune to get anything from this. The Footballing Gods have a cruel sense of humour. You never really know what will happen on a match day. I should imagine that neutrals must love coming along to our games as they are often eventful, even when the results go against us, it's worth watching. 

Since I last put pen to paper, or more truthfully fingered my keyboard, The Terrors lost to Thatcham, Drew with Sutton Common Rovers and beat Chipstead, but I'll skip past those a go straight to Northwood at home and the chance to get things moving again after rather a long break from league games which led myself and Ant heading to the South Coast to watch Seaford Town and a shorter trips to Raynes Park Vale and Colliers Wood for our Saturday Football fix. I can't lie, watching games where I don't really care of the outcome is quite liberating and it's nice to know the result won’t ruin your Saturday night or even the whole weekend. 

"Today, I'm meeting Footballs hardest ground hoppers"

 So, at last I found myself back at the home of football for the visit of Northwood for the first Saturday league game in a while. I miss the first part of the home games because of sorting out and working in the club shop so I missed the first 20mins, but we went in at half time 3-2 up. Four goals in the second half at least giving me something to cheer. Got to be honest now, scoring seven goals is great but letting in three goals and seeing as Northwood also hit the post and missed a couple of sitters is worrying to say the least. 

Next up Whitehawk in the FA Trophy which we ballsed up quite spectacularly losing 4-1 at home and even managed to miss yet another fucking penalty which if it had gone in could have made a huge difference as we could have gone on to salvage something from the game.... or we would have just lost 4-2. Mind you they missed a penalty as well. Either way Toots need to sort out this penalty jinx as even the most ardent Bog Enders just shrug their shoulders when we get a spot kick now and look at each other with a knowing look in their eyes.

Can’t really say we played that badly, but finishing was a again our main problem. A couple of good saves from the Whitehawk goalie stopping any chance of us getting back into the game. 

So, no trips to Wembley this season. Out of both the FA Cup and Trophy at the first hurdle which is a big blow financially to the club and at a time where every club is having to try and get more money to help the running of things means a bit of a disaster over at Fortress Imperial. 

The league is still the main priority and it's important for the club to get out of the division we find ourselves in, so anything less than making the play offs will not go down well. Promotion means bigger gates as there are more travelling away fans in the top Isthmian Division as well as the chance to play more of our historical rivals. Glad to say that our defence of the London Senior Cup started well with a 4-1 victory over Redbridge. It's a competition I think we all regard with a great deal of fondness. Another good run in this please.... 

 So last one of the hattrick of home games saw the visit of Bracknell Town in what I was hoping to be a top of the table clash when the fixtures first came out. Our visitors winning one nil with a first half goal. The Terrors played well and should have come away with at least a point, but Bracknell defence worked well as a unit and were able to deal with everything we threw at them during the second half. Well, we didn’t concede after two minutes or miss any penalties. But we need a change of fortunes as the top five clubs are pulling away from the others leaving us in the mid table positions. A good performance yes but no points to show for the hard work. 

Even with all the gloom and doom, crowds are still healthy and going up. Loads of new faces coming to home games and becoming regulars. A crowd of over 260 for the Bracknell game. There's lots going on at TMUFC and if you can help out on match days please do. Even if you have Twitter, Facebook or any of the other social media platforms please follow other Terrors and the Official Accounts and help spread the word on fixtures and up and coming events. Just a couple of seconds on a smart phone or PC can do so much to help both the Club and supporters’ groups etc. 

 Before the Northwood game Some chap came up to me at the shop and asked if I was "Harry" Of course, I thought he was meaning Hackbridge Harry, thinking he must follow and be a huge fan my in-depth football punditry and match analysis on Twitter... Mr Chuckles was in fact taking the piss and meant that I looked like Harry Kane. How I laughed. I look more like Brad Pitt as everyone who knows me will back up. I've never been so insulted and even that big poo pants Totts at Sutton has never stooped that low.... Talking of which the way Sutton are taking points off everyone in League Two there is a chance of them having a very successful season. Just think in about four years’ time they could be playing Champions League games at Gangrene Lane while we’re missing penalties in our big derby game with Chipstead after going one nil down in the second minute…. I hate football.

Tooting and Mitcham 1 Whitehawk 4

Not coming home.....

Hurrah, Dear Reader. More words of wisdom from Hackbridge Towers as the pre-season friendlies start up again. We will also delve into the magical world of the Euros which I've quite enjoyed this year. Footballs coming home!!!!!!! 

Pre Season starts at Corinthian Casuals

 First up, a friendly on the back pitch was against our tenants Tooting Bec who I must say are really looking better and better and do seem as if they will have yet another good season. An entertaining 0-0 draw which possibly was a fair result as both teams missed good chances and both hit the woodwork on several occasions. I must admit that I spend most of my time at the Pre-season games chatting and gossiping so don't look to me for in-depth views on formations or new players or signing etc (As if you ever did). I just enjoyed the day in the sun. Good to see a few of the others at the game including Mad Ciaran who informed me that he is thinking of moving to Hackbridge and wanted to know the important things about the area like how much is an Uber to and from the Ramble Inn. If he does move to the area it may well put back any ideas of gentrification by around 15 years and have a significant effect on house prices meaning you will be able to pick up a 3 bed house with a garage for about 250 quid... I must add how smart he looked in his bright yellow Ukrainian football shirt which he proudly wore and which I'm sure will get him a bit of cash back from Ebay in a week or so.

                     #FFS

 Talking of which.... Watched the England - Ukraine game in the bar after the Bec match... A good crowd in the bar singing and yelling their heads of as England defied the odds by 

A/ Playing well 

B/ Winning comfortably. 

When it comes to International football I often tell people I have enough Scots and Irish blood not to really care about England and enough English blood not to care about either the Scots or Irish, but I must admit my Anglo Saxon side was very happy after the game which may have had a lot to do with Gareth Southgate’s team selection and a very good England performance.... Or the large amount of Guinness I drank.... Either way a good night out. 

Toots second Pre-Season game was away to Three Bridges on the following Tuesday and ended up a 1-0 defeat on the same night Italy beat Spain to get to the Final on penalties. Of course, to mark the occasion, Toots missed a last-minute penalty and now this run of bad luck, or to be honest, badly taken penalties carries on which is a bit of a worry to us sensitive types on the Bog End. 

I was back to Fortress Imperial on the Wednesday Night to watch the England v Denmark game. Another great night surrounded by rather loud people. What can I say, England proving everyone wrong and getting through to the Final. Since taking on the teachings of Karl Marx and upsetting the Daily Mail the whole England set up has really done well now get ready for Italy in the Final on Sunday. Ant got in early and helped arranged a table so I've no doubt that Sunday night might involve Guinness and singing. 

But before that is the important matter of another Pre-Season game against Frank Wilson's Merstham side, again on the back 3G pitch. A good run out for the team and a 3-1 victory. Yet again I spent most of the match gossiping and chatting to whoever was unlucky enough to stand next to me. I'm looking forward to the start of the season as I think we have a good chance of doing well. Covid took away our chances of making the play offs over the last two seasons. Fingers crossed it will be different this year. 

Did you know England won the World Cup in 1966? Most people don't know this little-known fact as it never ever gets mentioned at all and with this in mind I set off to the bar at Fortress Imperial to watch Gareth’s Groovy Gang take on Italy in the Euro Final to watch Football coming home (Spoiler Alert). It didn't. A fantastic start from England which gave everyone the hope that England may do it was crushed in the 2nd half as Italy equalised and I think deep down we all knew the outcome. Yet another penalty shootout fuck up as Rashford hop, skipped, jumped, farted and passed the ball to the Italian goalie instead of just smashing the fucking thing was the start of the doom and gloom. I feel dreadfully sorry for the young lads who missed who then predictably suffered online abuse from the total bellends that seem to hide behind their phones and computers during England games. Lots of positives from England and it was great to see various communities getting behind the team and coaching staff but still heart breaking yet again to see the trouble afterwards and over the top drunken behaviour which is often the reason why so many other countries love it when England lose. Fucking embarrassing.... I’m feeling really quite down in the dumps as I write this, but at least, I haven’t woken up knowing there’s a photo of me with a smoke bomb sticking out of my bumhole and that I didn’t end up taking off my clothes on Wembley Way while off my face on various nasally ingested chemicals.

“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country,” 

 Anyway, from the Banks of the Mighty Wandle there seems to be a lot of building work going on over at Sutton United's Gangrene Lane ground and the world famous "Shoe Box Terrace" has now been demolished which is a shame. As pointed out by Bog End Regular Mr Chops at least when the Shoe Box was in place all the weirdos used to be together in a small area and therefore easy to keep control of by the clever use of stewarding and cattle prods. Now they will be free to walk around and mix with normal supporters which I bet is one drawback their promotion into the Football League. Still all the work has allowed @bornatotter the chance to work around the ground in a High Vis jacket and a white hard hat / builders helmet looking like one of the Village People. 

Also, got to feel for Peter Crouch a once famous international footballer now so down on his luck he's forced to join the board at Dulwich Hamlet and make TV Documentaries about the club to try and earn enough cash to feed his growing family. With the Euros going on and the Country getting behind the Three Lions, it’s really sad to see an Ex England International footballer hit the depths of despair after the end of his career. I can only hope that things get better for him sooner rather than later and that one day he can hold his head up high again.

Another thing I did learn over the past couple of weeks is that having a photo taken with a crying child can get you a lot of money, if only I'd started doing that a couple of seasons ago with Ant, We would have so much cash behind us we could both be in the space race with Elon Musk or Richard Branson trying to reach Uranus first or be living on a luxury yacht off the coast of Canvey Island, instead I'm spending my days looking out the window and wondering if Mad Ciaran is going to move in next door

Up The Terrors !!!!!

Kings Of The Wandle

Blimey, the last blog of the 20-21 season. A strange time to be a football supporter, when the chances to see live games has been very limited. Sitting in an armchair at home listening to Glen Hoddle talking about matches might appeal to some but not me... I need a bit more entertainment than that dear reader....

Well it was a shame that only really a small group of Terrors made their way to the Friday Night Semi Final game with Hanwell, as it turned out to be rather an eventful Friday night in Wood Green. A journey back in time to my old stomping ground for the 2020/ 21 London

Senior Cup Semi Final being played at Haringey’s ground as Hanwell were having work carried out on their pitch. Haringey's ground is where I played Rugby for my school against the school my Dad used to go to, so in many ways strange to go back to the part of London where I grew up. A pub I used to drink in as a spikey haired Punk Rocker and where I saw the band Angelic Upstarts play has now been converted into

a massive betting shop and the whole area looked different and in

truth a bit cleaner than how I remembered the place. Mind you that was nearly 40 years ago since I left the Frozen Norf and headed down to tropical South West London. I'm one of those rare people whose happy in both North and South London. 

The kick off was delayed as Tooting's kit was stuck in traffic meaning the match finally kicked off at 8:30pm but everyone seemed pretty confident and in good spirits as we waited for the start. Got to chat to Caroline McRoyall, who leaves the club at the end of the season. A

lovely person and someone who has helped change so much at the club and helped it move forward into the modern age. Good also to meet up with that Irish lot again and although one of them is totally mad. They have added so much to the large group of strange characters that now

follow Tooting and Mitcham both home and away. Please, if you get the chance get to a couple of away days next season, do it there is always a good loud vocal following at most of our away games. Drink may also be involved. 

A very hard fought game in every respect. Challenges coming in thickand fast in a game which the Ref really should have done a lot more to calm down and get a grip on early on, instead of letting it turn into a kicking match. In truth both teams could have had players sent off and Hanwells bench were shouting and screaming the entire match. 

At least Hanwells kit arrived on                            time

The neutral Haringey fans and Ground hoppers all seemed to want us to win because of Hanwells heavy approach.

After going two nil up early on, we seemed to lose our shape after the first incident between the two sets of players. Hanwell then getting a goal back and I started to get every concerned that things could go pair shaped. The second half started off from where the first half finished, Hanwell putting loads of pressure on while their management ranted away at every single tackle. It was only a matter of time before someone would be shown a Red Card... And as we all know, it's normally a Terror who gets it. Goalie Gary Ross was shown a red card after catching one of their strikers which they equalised from the resulting free kick. A penalty followed and we were now 3-2 down and I honestly thought it was going to get worse... But what do I know, a

goal from a corner sneaked in on the 93 minute sending the game into extra time. Remember the game had kicked off nearly an hour later.

Hanwell scoring in the first period of extra time but you could see

although we were down to 10 men that the team where really getting things together and starting to out battle Hanwell and get the upper hand. Toots then equalising almost straight away making it 4-4 and I knew the Football gods were on our side. Dontai Stewart scoring Tooting’s 5th and match winning goal sending the handful of Travelling

Toots mad. Not a great game footballing wise but possibly one of the most eventful games I've ever seen and it will be one I'll always remember. Finally got home just before 1am, knackered but very very happy.

So now there was a little matter of a Cup Final and another a trip

back to North London for the game with AFC Wimbledon's youth team played at Hendon's ground. This also marked a return of the Wandle Derby... Elwandico, very important for local bragging rights. An early start this time for the 1pm kick off which didn't seem to affect the drinking habits of many of the travelling Terrors who help make up the 561 attendance at the Battle of The Wandle . Finding up how young some of The Wombles where still didn't make me feel confident after getting flash backs to the Surrey Cup final against the young Met Police team when we were well beaten in an awful one sided match. Wimbledon defending really well and playing a very organised game which often pushed us back and made it hard for us to break down. We

looked dangerous when playing long high balls up to our forward line as the young Wombles had to cope with our more physical game. 0 - 0 at half time and all to play for in the next 45 minutes. Tooting’s strength and experience started to make a difference between the two teams when a mistake by The Wombles keeper allowed Jake Rose to score our first goal and Dontai Stewart scoring directly from a corner a couple of minutes later. But Tooting never make things easy

and Wimbledon got one back near the end but we held on to lift The London Senior Cup yet again. Tooting and Mitcham’s eighth success in this Cup nearly equalling the 9 times winners Walthamstow Avenue. This

would be great to eclipse their record soon.

The best thing for me was seeing how much it meant to all the players and staff. So really happy for Ash and Cornelius as all the work they have put in over the last few years now has a Trophy to show for it  and hopefully the first of many more. Chuffed for Warren as well and a  fitting end to Caroline McRoyall time as the Chair at the club. Andy Harrup getting his own song as he joined the players on the pitch and was presented with the trophy. So many happy faces amongst all of our fans, both young and old. The ones who've followed the club for years and the ones who have joined the ranks of the Bog End in the last couple of seasons. We are very lucky at TMUFC now with everything that’s happening on and off the pitch. I know I sound like a parrot I say this so often but

it's true...

So a happy ending to the season which looked doomed a couple of months ago. Another trophy and even more to be positive about for next season.

What a great club !!!!

Up The Terrors !!!!!

#LondonIsBlackAndWhite

Tooting and Mumchums

Well it seems like ages since I last put pen to paper or in this case finger to keyboard, but here we are again. One big happy group of Terrors because Football is back at Fortress Imperial and at long last as we get a chance to finish of this seasons London Senior Cup. "The greatest Cup Competition in The World..." What ever happened to him? 

A crowd of over 400 for a London Senior Cup game is impressive. On a Tuesday night we rarely used to get over 60 for these games. Yes, several Sutton, Carshalton, Dulwich and supporters of other clubs boosted the numbers, but we should all still be very happy to see that we are now getting more and more interest in our fixtures. The more that come the more will tell their friends and family, the chance to see live Football without taking out a mortgage and the chance to stand on terraces with friends and family can't be underestimated. You could bankrupt yourself buying tickets for Chelsea and still not be sitting with people you know. The price to get into Premiership and Championship games really take the micky. I think a lot of people will realise that being skint because of Football is totally stupid when there are affordable football clubs nearby to go and watch. Great to see Besty, Mrs Besty and Rowan Besty at the game and good to see the other families that came along to see The Terrors, turning the back of the stand into a nursery for the second half. I’ll be very happy if the Tooting and Mumchums" return to see us again and great to know that we are now attracting Families of all ages though the turnstiles. I've said before and will happily say it again that the change in the atmosphere in the ground and the more positive vibe about the place is very welcome. Take care with behaviour though. We have what can be best described as quite a vocal crowd, good humoured and loyal but please bear in mind that the old days of ranting a raving from a few could have a very negative effect on things. It has taken a long time and a lot of hard work behind the scenes to get build the profile of the club and it wouldn't take too much to undo the good work put in by some many of the people who have put so much effort into changing things. As for the game... Well we beat Erith 2-1 with a last-minute own goal, but a win is a win no matter how it comes and everyone there could leave the ground after a good afternoon’s entertainment. Yet another penalty miss but at least unlike Daryl Colemans against Fisher it didn't nearly hit me full in the face. If hadn't been for my Cat like agility and Ninja reflexes my Boy Band Career could have been ruined by our Captain along with my front teeth and nose... I tend to groan not cheer when we get spot kicks now, it would be nice to score one or two next season chaps. Good to see Nic Taylor back at Fortress Imperial. An Ex Terror who is a larger than life character, good bloke and a great goalie. During a supporter’s v Players game one year he jumped over into the crowd and picked up Bog End Ant and sticking him in goal while he ran up the pitch for a corner. Ant was only about 5 or 6 then and he was so chuffed when it happened. I however shat myself and was trying to think of excuses to tell Mrs H if Ant got injured by a two footed challenge or an elbow in the face. It's things like that happening at games and at Non-League level that make everything so much better than the Premiership, Championship or whatever Super Dooper European League some nutcase thinks up. Arsenal should think about entering the Eurovision Song Contest next year as it might be one way of getting back in Europe for more of those Glorious European matches all Gooners live for.. Even with their piss poor record in all of the European cups and competitions over the years I doubt if even they could end up with "Nil Poi"... Mind you....

                      "Nil Poi"

 Congratulations to Sutton United on winning promotion to the Football League. Local rivals yes, but in truth now light years ahead of us on the pitch but it's always worth remembering we were in the same Division just over a decade ago and therefore proving that you can build into bigger and better things. Really pleased for my mate @bornatotter who is well chuffed now. As some of you know he has suffered with ill heath after his penis enlargement surgery went so tragically wrong. He turned up for the Erith game and instead of bringing bad luck, doom, gloom and defeat on the pitch he saw us win at last.

Locals  in Sutton celibrate their promotion to the football league

 Talking about Sutton... SCR will be playing in the same league as us next year so a nearby local derby for us all. Like Tooting Bec are to us there are several people who happily go and watch both Sutton United and Sutton Common Rovers. They play their home games at Gangrene Lane although this may well change when Sutton must dig their 3G pitch up and go back to the real thing now they are in Division Two. So, despite rumours and speculation we will be still in the same division as before (South Central) after the reorganisation of the leagues. A few hoping to be moved into the Southern League and some interesting away trips and new grounds to visit. Personally, I think we have more chance of going up from this league into the premiership, so I'm not too upset. I'm certain that we would have made the play offs in both cancelled seasons if the plague had not put an end to things. As we know, all of our major rivals have leap frogged us. AFC Wimbledon about to move back into the Plough Lane area after all their successes since forming up years ago. Dulwich who again have jumped up the Leagues from us and now Sutton taking the big step forward. Proof if needed that we can get things right and can build on what we have at TMUFC. We needed to learn from both Sutton and Dulwich and the way they promoted themselves and how their crowds grew, and media profile improved. I think we have done that, but most importantly for me, keeping our own identity in the process. Keep up the good work everyone. I will personally give you all a big soppy kiss when all this Covid bollocks is over. So, at the time of writing these words of wisdom we have a Cup Semi Final to look forward to this Friday. Either out to the Wild West to Hanwell or up norf to Haringey, my old stomping ground when I lived in that bleak Northern Wasteland, full of steel factories, mines, flat caps and whippets. The M25 acting as a barrier between the bleak depressed Northerners and those White Walkers... The land of snow and ice.... Better known as Waltham Abbey. 

 Up The Terrors!!!!!!

Cheeky Cheeky....

Hi Groovy Gang.... More words of wisdom from Hackbridge Towers on the glorious Toots.
So the last game of the 2018-19 season was a home fixture against FC Romania, a team formed a few years ago from Romanians living and working in London. They started right at the bottom and have successfully made their way up the footballing ladder. I missed the game at their place but those who went said what a friendly club they were and I'm glad they avoided relegation which at the start of the season might have seemed possible. Stories like this are great and just show that although we have lost some great and famous clubs over the years that there are always new ones to take their place.

Romania has also given us Count Dracula and the Cheeky Girls so I sent off to Fortress Imperial after locking up the local virgins in Hackbridge hoping for an exciting afternoon of neck biting, bat transformation and bottom molesting but alas my neck remained bite free and no one fondled my buttocks in our 2-1 victory. A game which only really came to life in the last 15mins.

Gabriela and Monica waiting for the Tram at Wimbledon Station before heading  to Tooting and Mitcham ready for an afternoon of bottom touching.

At the end of the game myself and Dave Irons presented the Supporters club trophies in the club bar. Antonio Simeone was voted player of the season... Well deserved in my opinion and it's been great to have him back this year. Dominic Morgan Griffiths came 2nd with Isaiah Jones coming in 3rd. Plenty of votes were cast and pretty much every player got voted for which shows how well the whole team has played well this season. Ajani Domingo-Carrington won goal of the season for his goal against Chalfont. Isaiah's goal at the away game at Marlow also received a number of votes.

Vote for the best game was the 4-3 victory at Egham and worse was Northwood away. A big thanks to everyone who voted and a really big thanks to Dave Irons and Charlie Till for getting the trophies and doing the count up of the votes cast.

Cheers to Kevin Cummins for the photo of myself and Dave Irons presenting Antonio with the   Supporters Player of The Season Award.

So after the 2-1 victory, we finished in 6th place, just outside the play offs. A position I would have given my right hand for after the first 45 mins at Egham Town away back in October last year. We had lost all but one of our league games, a couple in quite spectacular style and were 3-1 down and the travelling Terrors were about the most angry I've ever seen. Which Dear reader if you know anything about TMUFC is quite a statement to make.... The second half is seen by many as the time when things turned around. Three second half goals saw us snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. We had had some good cup results in the various trophies Toots enter every season so there was a sense that things would/ could change after the final whistle.... And they did. This started a good run for the Terrors which put us into the top ten in the table which we stayed in for the rest of the season. Apart from the defeat at Westfield away I can't think of any other games in which we really didn't put a shift in. I've enjoyed this league campaign and their is defiantly a good sense of optimism around the place now.  The management and coaching team deserve a lot of credit for what they have achieved and the football style we play. Well done....

I know there have been a number of moans and groans about playing in the South Central but I believe we have a better chance of making the play offs or going up from this league than being moved across to the South East league where some better known clubs await. Admittedly we have no geographical or historical rivals in this division but our home crowds have been better attended by our own fans this season than last. I was worried that we would be playing home games in front of crowds around the 100 mark after last seasons relegation but I've been proved wrong. Again though not many clubs brought an away following to Fortress Imperial, those that did are looking at promotion anyway.

As for our friends and local rivals, I'm very pleased to see Corinthian Casuals hold there own in the premiership, Carshalton at the time of writing are in the play offs against Merstham which could lead to back to back promotions for the Robins. Dulwich are happy back in their car park and although they nearly got dragged into the relegation battle they stayed just outside and continue to get huge crowds over at Champion Hill. Sutton's season although not as good as last year they still managed to be a major pain in the arse to a number of so called bigger clubs and their fans.  I should be green with envy and although I wish we were in a higher division I've seen enough change at Toots to feel very optimistic for the 2019-20 season. Behind the scenes more people have been getting on board and helping out around the place and there is a better feeling about the club and how things are going. Just remember how things were at the end of last season and how many of us wondered how we could cope in the future. We  have new noisy neighbours for next season with Tooting Bec playing their fixtures at Fortress Imperial in what we all hope with prove to be a successful partnership moving forward. We play each other in a friendly fixture this coming Saturday 4th at home. Kick of at 3pm... Come on Tooting !!!!!


After this on Tuesday 7th May we all head of to Dorking to see the Surrey Senior Cup Final with Met Police. They are in the play offs in their division and will be a hard team to beat. But on our day we can out play anyone and with what I should imagine will be a loud vocal following of Travelling Terrors anything can happen. We have always had good away support and this game will be no different.....

Met Police hooligan firm "The Rozzers" packing the terraces of Imber Court before starting yet another disgusting afternoon of football violence and thuggery.

A big thanks to all the people who follow in on twitter has I've now got over 600 followers, most of which may well be Russian Sex Bots but I'm still chuffed that anyone
A/ Reads my rubbish.
B/ Reads more of my rubbish on Twitter.

So a big hug and cuddle from me xxx

Up The Stripes !!!

Groovy

Greetings Readers….. More tales from the Wandle Riverbank via the plush surroundings of Hackbridge Towers. In what may turn out to be the highlight of my footballing season Tory MP with either the worst ever  hair cut or worst ever syrup in the history of British Politics Michael Fabricant has outed himself as a Dulwich Hamlet supporter, which has proved to me two things, one, that there is a God and two that the Almighty doesn't like Dulwich that much either.....

 The meet the manager night up at the Ramble Inn went well with what I thought would just be an hour or so ending up being a good few hours in the company of fellow Terrors and of course Ash, who I promise you is a great bloke who really cares about everything connected with Tooting and Mitcham. Also, good to spend a bit of time with both Nick from Predator Pest Solutions and of course Jimmy from the Ramble, two people who have done a lot behind the scenes with sponsorship and support over the last couple of seasons. There are a lot of positive things going on both on and off the pitch. Please get involved in any way shape or form if you can spare a bit of time.

Look out for blogs from both Warren and Adam “Besty” who have started up the blog “South London Is Black and White”. Both relative new comers to Fortress Imperial but both very committed to the Terrors with a new way of looking at all things Black and White. Expect well thought out pieces of work rather than the childish and depressing stuff that I knock out when I can or the total lunacy of Sir Tim Magone’s work, who by the way still has not bought a fridge magnet from my upmarket super stall. Tight Bastard….

Please pay them a visit and contact them if you want to contribute any Terrors related articles.
Please click on the link below

https://www.southlondonisblackandwhite.com/

Well worth supporting and checking out, good to see the social media outlets growing with more TMUFC related sites and blogs. Both Adam and Warren are top blokes... buy them tea and beer and make them famous.

A big thanks to everyone who has bought stuff from the stall over the last few weeks it has allowed us in the supporter’s club to help out with player sponsorship and to help a bit with the race night which is taking place on Friday 12^th April… Every little helps and so if it’s only buying a pen it all adds up and helps around the club.

There is also going to be a fans forum at the ground this Wednesday 10th starting at 7pm so a chance to hear from various groups and people what is planned for the future. Please come along if you get the chance.

Well now to events on the pitch. I ended up missing the Uxbridge away game which of course meant I missed the 1-0 victory. Not missed too many away games this year but I do enjoy our travels. Plus the fact, our away form has been good this year and in truth if our home form had in parts matched it, the play offs could have been easily in our grasp. But as I said at the start of season I’d be happy for a middle table finish and at the time of writing it looks as if we will finish just outside the play off places.
Monday Night 1^st April was the chance to see the Under 23s who needed to beat Ramsgate to be crowned champions. A few die hards turned out for what would be a frustrating night for The Terrors as they missed a few sitters at the end as the game ended 0-0. Toots just need one more point to win the league, shame it didn't happen at Fortress Imperial. The under 23s have been really impressive this season and things are looking very positive for the future. Plenty of scouts from various league clubs turning up to see our crop of youngsters which just proves how right things are turning out at Tooting. Just to renforce things, one of my favorite players Isiah Jones has signed for Middlesboro and I wish him all the best.
Tuesday meant that loads of Terrors made the short journey down to Banstead for the Surrey Senior Cup semi final and the last real chance of claiming any silverware this season. After a few days of sun the weather looked pretty bleak for the trip though the urban hell hole of Sutton, home of the new Greggs superstore and restaurant. On what was to be a freezing night in March the Terrors over came Banstead Athletic in a rather dull game in which both teams were worried about losing. A second half penalty was enough to send us through to the Final which will take place at Dorking's new ground on Tuesday May 7th.

Should be loads of Terrors there so if you only get to one more game this season, make it this one. The only bad point for me was when I was verbaly assaulted  by The Shoe Box Sex God Bornatotter who shouted "Scum" at me as I quietly sat in the bar talking to chums. Bullying is wrong weather phyiscal or mental. It really shows what a great big fat poo pants the banjo playing lefty knob jockey really is.

Well Saturday meant a visit from the "Moists" from Molesey whos ground has matched Leatherheads in biblical tales of flooding and damp patches this season which takes some doing.

Toots running out 2-0 winners with two great goals from Tope Fadahunsi and yet another from Danny Bassett.
Should have and could have scored more but still a good game with other results still keeping us in with a chance of the play offs.
Spend the game with Lee from the St Matthews Project which was a good chance for two elderly gentleman to have a good moan and put the world to rights.
Another link below to click on to see what brilliant work they are doing in helping youngsters get involved in football and away from other distractions.

http://www.thesmp.net/


Please click on the link below for Bog End Ant's take on the Molesey game.

Bog End Ant

Please add and subscribe to his channel which is getting better and better. Can't be long before BT Sports come knocking on the door to offer him a job as a pundit.

Well my Ancestry DNA results came back which along with the standard and expected split between Ireland, Scotland, England and Wales threw in the fact I am 1% Swedish, which has helped explain a few things. I had always fancied the blonde one out of Abba when I was younger….. That big fat bum and hips really did it for me all those years ago and of course his sexy little beard.

 

 

Up the Stripes !!!!

Toots and Chunts

Well after what seems to have taken longer than Brexit to sort out Tooting and Mitcham managed to get the away fixture against Molesey played and they took the 3 points back to Fortress Imperial after going 3-0 up by half time and then letting two goals in during the second half just to bring the travelling Terrors back to earth with a jolt. I was not able to make the game so sat at home with Bog End Ant following the game online which proved to be a rather stressful 90 or so minutes, we both agreed to turn our phones of when Molesey got their second. Wedgie got sent off as well which makes it at least 43 red cards this season. It's not easy being a Terror on match days. TMUFC are one of those teams that even if they were 5-0 up in the 87th minute you still say to the bloke next to you "This could still go either way". I believe that we are now safe from relegation this season which means I now longer awake drenched in sweat and urine after another nightmare which sees us end up in a league playing various clubs named after Northern Line stations.

 

 

 

 

 

 Daryl Coleman now starts a 100 game ban after his "incident" at Bracknell which is a shame. Good to see him sign off on his break with a goal... Talking of which, the Terrors got a fair bit of exposure on Twitter after the Bracknell game, They say all publicity is good publicity so with that in mind Antonio Simeone OG  and the subsequent Twitter trolling I got when the clip of the goal made the rounds of various Non League sites was a good thing....ish
Antonio has been a rock since coming back this season.... And with that in mind I took the Twitter abuse on the chin and have spent the last few days praying to every god, idol and religious figure I could think of for Dulwich to balls up and someone to have it on film... I will get my revenge. There is still a chance they will get relegated. They lost to Oxford City so my animal sacrifices on Mitcham Common seem to be working, so fingers crossed. Now the squatters are firmly back in their Sainsbury's car park the love in is slowly reverting back to normal service and the hatred and banter is returning now that Mishi is thankfully getting back to full fitness. Not that Bog End Ant ever stopped.

 

 

 

Well it was Cheshunt's turn to play at the Fortress. I turned up at the ground to watch the Sutton United game in the bar and a chance to see the Shoe Box Love God Bornatotter and his sidekick "Dirty Barry" on the large screen. A very homoerotic sight they were as well. Looking like a "Right Said Fred" tribute band in the Northern wastelands of Chesterfield... I can only dream that one day it will be me on the big screen with the BT Sport cameras lingering on my handsome good looks as I'm beamed into millions of households all over the country. My day will come.
With a place in the play offs still mathematically possible we needed to get a good result against the high flying Chunts. Which of course means we lost. On the plus side no one got sent off and in fairness played well for long periods of time but the Footballing Gods had other ideas. Toots now need either snookers, or at least the five clubs above us to loose every game until the end of the season or a major biblical apocalypse for us to get into the play offs. Ways and Feading seemed to have sown the championship up and will hopefully celebrate by finishing building the toilets at their ground. Egham look doomed which is a shame and it looks as if our Footballing jinxes Staines way well be dropping into the division after getting totally stuffed in most of their games this season.
Still a few rumours that there may be further restructuring next season and that Staines going down may impact on what league we will play in.... Watch this space.
Up The Stripes !!!!

 

 

 

 

Tales From The Riverbank

Hello readers, another resonably happy blog from the banks of the Wandle.Things going well after our jounery to Westfield the other week which I think would be fair to say was anything but happy.

                                                 Tales from the Wandle Riverbank
         "Dear Mishi, You and your muggy firm will get smashed all over the place, jog on mug"

First up, The Surrey Senior Cup 2nd round El Classico against Good old Corinthain Casuals my favorite team in pink, not like that other lot of squatting bastards who've covered Fortress Imperial in stickers and dumped a great big fucking pink and blue caravan up near the far end bogs.......

Also good to play a team with a vocal away support which is something this Bostik South Central has shown very little of. The occasional bumpkin with a drum has turned up to try and drown out the Bog Ends finest and the moaning old gits who sit in the stands swearing at everything and everybody. So it was good to have a collection of old punks, drunks and lunatics turn up from along the A3 to cheers the Casuals on. I should be bitter a twisted and hate the fact they are more than holding their own in the Bostik Premiership but I'm glad for them and honestly hope we'll play each other in league games in that division soon. Whether I'd be so nice about them if we'd lost might have to be taken into consideration when reading this but we went through on penalties into the next round of the Surrey Senior Cup where I personally hope we get one of the big glamour clubs like Sutton (Cough).

Then on Saturday, another great fightback from the Terrors saw them get a draw against Bracknell Town after going two down in a other 10 or so minutes in the first half that are best forgotten.Nearly sneaked it at the end but if one thing has come from this season so far there is a lot of fight and good team sprirt this year. The occasional hic up but we'd hopefully pulled ourselves out of the start of season slump which almost broke my poor old heart and had me reaching for the tissues.

In other business news... The supporters club shop had it's grand opening that day and just like when that bloke from Harrods had a stake in Fulham and stuck a statue of Michael Jackson up outside the ground we are looking at getting a big brass statue of Bornatotter put up outside the ground in an effort to appeal to younger more hip type people than we currently get at Tooting games... Apart from me that is. Totts knows a lot about big brasses if the writing on the toilets walls of the Plough were anything to go by and although he supports Sutton I'm sure the statue will bring in hundreds of new fans to watch the Terrors battle their way through the dark, cold wet winter months.

They are opening a Lidl superstore in Hackbridge soon so I'm expecting a call from their head office asking for advice on the local area and the obivous gentifacation that going on around my manor. They might even open a Costa Coffee or Pret now which will allow myself and Mrs H to sit outside reading the guardian while drinking a coconut soya skinny latte while watching a tramp having a shit in a bin.

No game for the Terrors this coming Saturday and think it might be best if I get at least some of the Christmas Shopping done rather than watch another game while Mrs H going around Croydon on her own carrying heavy shopping bags full of festive shite.

Talking about Christmas Gifts. Jeff B has writen a book on the 1959 FA Cup game against Nottingham Forest "We Woz Robbed In '59 - Tooting and Mitcham United's epic 1958/59 season" and the build up and aftermath of the match.Price £10.00

Here's Jeff with a plug for his book taken from the "Bog End Forum"
The older members of this Forum ( ie most of you ! ) will recall that, back in 2002, I wrote and published a book " Tooting On The Move - A Farewell To Sandy Lane ". Well, I have been at it again. My new book " We Woz Robbed In '59 - Tooting and Mitcham United's epic 1958/59 season , set to a background of social events of the time " is due to go off to the printers later this week. I hope to have some copies with me for sale, at £10-00 each, at the home game v Uxbridge on Saturday 8th. December. Copies will also be available to buy by post. As the title implies the book is not just about the club's season but also about what was going on locally at the time - music, employment, politics crime, etc. About 115 pages, lots of photographs. Hopefully, a good read ! Maybe a Xmas present !


We are hoping to have some copies for sale at the home game v Uxbridge on Saturday 8th. December. I will also put up on Twitter and other Social media of how to get copies directly from Jeff

Please email Jeff  on  brooksjeff18@aol.com  for more information and purchasing details.

Well dear reader.. Another happy ending..... Peace and Love "HH" xxx

The magic of the Cup

I love the FA Cup, my days following the "Glorious Gooner Gunners" meant I've seen many great games and finals but since giving up the sky premiership circus my love affair with this fantastic competition has however not been as exciting and fun filled. Far from it in fact.  Tooting and Mitcham have quite a good record in the FA Cup but of course I've missed all that. The cup run in 1959 and the defeat by Nottingham Forest is still sung about on the Bog End terraces despite the fact that most who stand on there weren't born then. A couple of runs in the 70's and which lead to games against Swindon and Crystal Palace and Bradford are still talked about by older Terrors as great moments in the clubs history. The game in the 1st Round in 2005 an away tie against Stockport was a well attended game by a large group of drunken South Londoners who saw the club loose 5-0. But it's not all about victorious games and celebrating winning trophies when following a club like Tooting and Mitcham, if we wanted victories and a packed trophy cabinet we'd all go and watch Crystal Palace.

 

But as my time following the Terrors only stretches back about 12 years my memories of FA Cup glory are very limited. A game in 2013 at Leatherhead which as per normal ended in defeat which sticks forever in my mind for their goalie getting his shorts pulled down by a couple of herberts with the travelling bogend when he was about to take a goal kick. The following week in a league game there we lost 5-1 and In the second half Bogend Ant got stung by a wasp which caused quite a scene and yet again made me question my decision to take the poor little sod to games.... especially ones in Leatherhead. They had also beaten us in the FA Cup the year before... and in the league which we both attended.  I've never seen TMUFC beat Leatherhead which makes them one of the 73 boogie teams the Terrors currently have at the moment. Leatherhead along with Berlin have had a wall that fell down in resent history and helped changed the course of events afterwards. Ask any Dulwich fan for an explanation if you get the chance.

Then the season after there was a very small FA Cup run that took us to "Mighty" Bishops Stortford after a last minute winner took us past Cray Wanderers. We dominated the game getting a draw before beating them at Imperial Fields. memorable for some of The Bishop supporters who turned up, called us minnows and refused to buy programmes and entre the "golden goals competition"etc. so as not to give any money what so ever to TMUFC and acted like total smug bell ends in the knowledge that they were a "bigger" club. Their manager was also a lovely smug prick of a man who got sacked shortly afterwards. Some victories are made even better when the opponents fans are class A twats. Of course we lost to East Thurrock in the next round but both the Stortford games were special. Now I'm not saying all Bishop Stortford fans are wankers, just the ones I've met and the ones I've spoken to.

Bog End Ant, Leader of the Tooty Wooty Boot Boys taking total liberties over at Bishops Stortford


Nothing else springs to mind since then apart from various other defeats the in worlds greatest cup competition.... But maybe this could be the year. A great crowd of over 300 turned up on a wet and windy Friday night to watch us beat Horley Town, A game moved to Friday due to the Pink and Blue Squatters having a "Home" league game on the Saturday which out ranked the FA Cup for some reason... But in truth the Friday night thing worked, of course the victory helped but the bigger than expected crowd and the packed bar meant that the Bank Holiday weekend started with a bang and an awful lot to drink for many. We were "Blessed" with a couple of Sutton United Supporters including the world famous musical sex machine @bornatotter who knows a lot about the magic of the FA Cup and the magic of FA Cup songs. All of us wait with baited breath to see who Sutton get when they enter the FA Cup this season, while he stares at his guitar dreaming of Pop Stardom and the chance to get on Football Focus again as the comedy time filling bit at the end. We'll I'm hopping to get either Spurs or Man United in the next round... We'll probably end up with bloody Leatherhead again... Let hope it pisses down with rain.....