There's only one Harry...

Some things never change.... Summer turns to Autumn, tide’s ebb and flow, the moon rises and the sun sets.... Tooting and Mitcham go one nil down in the first five minutes and miss penalties... Mother Nature can be very cruel.

                  The Thinker

 It's quite mind blowing following the Mighty Toots. Brilliant one week, crap the next. I had high hopes for this season but it's looking as if we will need a huge change of fortune to get anything from this. The Footballing Gods have a cruel sense of humour. You never really know what will happen on a match day. I should imagine that neutrals must love coming along to our games as they are often eventful, even when the results go against us, it's worth watching. 

Since I last put pen to paper, or more truthfully fingered my keyboard, The Terrors lost to Thatcham, Drew with Sutton Common Rovers and beat Chipstead, but I'll skip past those a go straight to Northwood at home and the chance to get things moving again after rather a long break from league games which led myself and Ant heading to the South Coast to watch Seaford Town and a shorter trips to Raynes Park Vale and Colliers Wood for our Saturday Football fix. I can't lie, watching games where I don't really care of the outcome is quite liberating and it's nice to know the result won’t ruin your Saturday night or even the whole weekend. 

"Today, I'm meeting Footballs hardest ground hoppers"

 So, at last I found myself back at the home of football for the visit of Northwood for the first Saturday league game in a while. I miss the first part of the home games because of sorting out and working in the club shop so I missed the first 20mins, but we went in at half time 3-2 up. Four goals in the second half at least giving me something to cheer. Got to be honest now, scoring seven goals is great but letting in three goals and seeing as Northwood also hit the post and missed a couple of sitters is worrying to say the least. 

Next up Whitehawk in the FA Trophy which we ballsed up quite spectacularly losing 4-1 at home and even managed to miss yet another fucking penalty which if it had gone in could have made a huge difference as we could have gone on to salvage something from the game.... or we would have just lost 4-2. Mind you they missed a penalty as well. Either way Toots need to sort out this penalty jinx as even the most ardent Bog Enders just shrug their shoulders when we get a spot kick now and look at each other with a knowing look in their eyes.

Can’t really say we played that badly, but finishing was a again our main problem. A couple of good saves from the Whitehawk goalie stopping any chance of us getting back into the game. 

So, no trips to Wembley this season. Out of both the FA Cup and Trophy at the first hurdle which is a big blow financially to the club and at a time where every club is having to try and get more money to help the running of things means a bit of a disaster over at Fortress Imperial. 

The league is still the main priority and it's important for the club to get out of the division we find ourselves in, so anything less than making the play offs will not go down well. Promotion means bigger gates as there are more travelling away fans in the top Isthmian Division as well as the chance to play more of our historical rivals. Glad to say that our defence of the London Senior Cup started well with a 4-1 victory over Redbridge. It's a competition I think we all regard with a great deal of fondness. Another good run in this please.... 

 So last one of the hattrick of home games saw the visit of Bracknell Town in what I was hoping to be a top of the table clash when the fixtures first came out. Our visitors winning one nil with a first half goal. The Terrors played well and should have come away with at least a point, but Bracknell defence worked well as a unit and were able to deal with everything we threw at them during the second half. Well, we didn’t concede after two minutes or miss any penalties. But we need a change of fortunes as the top five clubs are pulling away from the others leaving us in the mid table positions. A good performance yes but no points to show for the hard work. 

Even with all the gloom and doom, crowds are still healthy and going up. Loads of new faces coming to home games and becoming regulars. A crowd of over 260 for the Bracknell game. There's lots going on at TMUFC and if you can help out on match days please do. Even if you have Twitter, Facebook or any of the other social media platforms please follow other Terrors and the Official Accounts and help spread the word on fixtures and up and coming events. Just a couple of seconds on a smart phone or PC can do so much to help both the Club and supporters’ groups etc. 

 Before the Northwood game Some chap came up to me at the shop and asked if I was "Harry" Of course, I thought he was meaning Hackbridge Harry, thinking he must follow and be a huge fan my in-depth football punditry and match analysis on Twitter... Mr Chuckles was in fact taking the piss and meant that I looked like Harry Kane. How I laughed. I look more like Brad Pitt as everyone who knows me will back up. I've never been so insulted and even that big poo pants Totts at Sutton has never stooped that low.... Talking of which the way Sutton are taking points off everyone in League Two there is a chance of them having a very successful season. Just think in about four years’ time they could be playing Champions League games at Gangrene Lane while we’re missing penalties in our big derby game with Chipstead after going one nil down in the second minute…. I hate football.

Tooting and Mitcham 1 Whitehawk 4

The Joy and Happiness of Football. (Part 87)

Hello Dearest Reader. It’s me again with more tales of joy and happiness, mixed in with the normal doom and gloom. More doom and gloom in truth in this one....

            Sorrow in his eyes

 Well the season has stated at last and now we can get on with the real good stuff and proper football. Fingers crossed we will all get to finish this season. 

As with last season, the mighty

Toots started their season with the FA Cup. 

 The magic of the cup, the old footballing cliché that comes back to haunt us all in our search for footballing nirvana and the chance of a trip to Wembley to watch our Black and White stripes defeat one of the evil Premiership Giants. 

I know the clubs at Tooting’s level have to win about 47 games to even get a sniff of some giant killing but there’s always hope. So, with this in mind, off we all went to Fortress Imperial to watch us take on South East London team Erith and Belvedere FC in the FA Cup. They come from the same part of the world that Fisher came from who beat us in last season’s competition… So, what could possibly go wrong. 

 Well quite a lot as it goes. 1-0 down in the first half We only seemed to get going in the second. Finally hitting the back of the net from a penalty to make the score 1-1. A good goalkeeping performance and a couple of shots hitting the woodwork keeping us from winning. 

But the cup dream was over on Wednesday night as we lost the replay 3-1 in extra time and again another penalty miss when the score was 1-1 with 12 minutes left to play. Once it came up on social media, we’d missed from the spot again I knew what was coming. 

 Pretty upset about this. The FA Cup is a chance to dream and a chance to maybe get a draw against one of our rivals or another further up the footballing pyramid. 

As I have said before we are in a league with no geographical or historical rivalry and the cup competitions are the only way to meet up with old friends and foes. To go out of the FA Cup so early now two seasons in a row to clubs we should really beat is a bit of a pisser. The Fisher game still gives me sleepless nights. Well beaten on the day by a team we should have done a lot better against. Fisher seemed well up for their game a bought a loud vocal following and well deserved their victory. I’m sorry, Erith and Belvedere FC were nothing special at Fortress Imperial and should have been put to bed at our place. 

TMUFC are a big scalp to take for many clubs, our history, stadium and fans make us arguably one of the biggest clubs at our level and in our league. I sometimes wonder if the club take clubs below us seriously enough and realise how much other clubs want to beat us. Another footballing cliché is the comment “It was their cup final” when clubs play against so called smaller clubs…. Every game should be a Cup Final if we want to seriously get out of this league and onto the next level no matter who we play. I honestly believe we would have made the play offs in both of the cancelled seasons and would go as far to say we might well have won it outright last season, but it was not too be. This is a huge season for us, let’s hope those Footballing Gods smile on us in the coming weeks.

              Woking Bound

 Anyway, enough of this miserable bollocks this early in the season. What better place to get over the disappointment than a trip to Woking for our first league game of the season against Westfield FC. A chance to visit the lovely home of the best Pizza Express going so I’m told by those “in the know”. 

 I once won a bottle of Jamaican Rum in their club raffle which turned out to be two years out of date according to the sell by date. Well worth the price of the ticket. Also we lost that game after a dreadful preformance, so what could possibly go wrong. Well, It’s fair to say that the day did not go as planned, if fact anything but. Millwall Will called it “A bad day at the office” which is a pretty good cliché and one that sums up the afternoon’s events perfectly. To start with, we had most of the ball without really causing them any problems right up to when Westfield scored their first goal and we were still in with a shout up until we gave the ball away in first half injury time with an inch perfect cross field pass to one of their bemused players which lead to the second goal. 

You could tell we were in shock after that and really didn’t create anything of note in the second half. Westfield scoring a third which put a full stop on things. Can’t hide the fact that this was awful. The after-match post-mortem in the bar was not good listening. A lot of Terrors had made the short journey down to Woking and I doubt if any would have had anything good to say at the final whistle. As I, Ant and Millwall Will headed through the park back towards the station we could still hear Tooting’s finest and Anthony’s role models serenading the locals with songs which had more to do with Fulham’s win than anything the mighty stripes had come up with. 

Oh well….. On a positive note we are only three points off the play off places and now have a bit of time to get things sorted out now we don’t have the FA Cup to worry about this coming Saturday. I’m concerned, but not quite as much as Prince Andrew must be after reading the morning papers over the last few days. At least he had fun in Woking.

"We went to Westfield.....By      mistake 

Shout Out Time !!!!!!!!!! 

Thanks as always to Jimmy and everyone over at the Ramble Inn up near Amen Corner in Tooting for all their support. Jimmy sponsored the Erith game and has done so much to bring people together and get them down to games over the last few years….

Talking about great people, St Matthews Project are still doing great community work and putting on various events over the Summer holidays. Hope to see them soon over at Tooting Please go and visit: 

https://thesmp.net/ 

If you need a bit more intelligence with your reading material than this. Go and visit those South London Is Black and White Herberts for far better Terrors related stuff than this rubbish I come out with  https://www.southlondonisblackandwhite.com/ 

 Finally, guess what….. 

There is a nice little brewery opened up on the Willow Lane estate. Drop Project Brewing Co. A couple of the Irish Lot went in to visit after the Erith game and I went to have a nose around the day after to stock up on supplies.

 The Drop Project Brewing Company Ltd Unit 8 Willow Business Centre 17 Willow Lane Mitcham CR4 4NX Walk-ins only. Dog Friendly. Under 18 curfew from 7pm. Disabled access and facilities. The main pedestrian gate to our estate is unlocked during the below opening hours. Opening Hours Friday 3-10pm Saturday 12-10pm Sunday 12-6pm 

https://www.drop-project.co.uk/ 

 Right, I’m off to sniff glue and listen to The Ramones…. Up The Terrors!!!!!!

There's only one F in Fisher

Well I knew it would go pear shapped after spending days, weeks and months waiting for and looking forward to the start of compeditive football, on the morning of the game I dropped a heavy extension lead onto my foot hurting my poor old big toe thus ruining the good happy mood I was in, turning it into an impending sense of doom and gloom. As I hobbled of to Fortress Imperial for the FA Cup game with Fisher FC and their noisy away following I was concerned that our visitors from SE London would be up for the game more than us and in truth even though we went ahead twice, Fisher battled on drawing level and then deservedly winning the tie on penalties. Daryl Coleman came close to hitting me full in the face with his attempt that sailed over the crossbar like a cannon shot fired at the battle of Waterloo. Not a good way to start the season with a game like this. I love the cup and now the chance to progress into the later rounds has gone I'm rather glum with the pain in my toe hurting as much as my broken heart.... The plus side is that being as superstious as I am, I'd have to drop an extension lead on my toe every week before going to games if we had won.... Every cloud...

    There's Only One F in Fisher

Still good to get back to see the Terrors and meet up with the Bog End faithfull, many I've not seen for a while. Even though the result and in truth the game are best forgotten being back watching football has been a welcome distraction to everything else that seems to be going on in the world at the moment. Mrs H no doubt is a lot happier knowing that she will get so well deserved peace and quiet from myself and Bog End Ant on Saturdays from now on. 

The Bog End are back together at last...

The Pre Season was a bit hit and miss.... well more miss in truth but we often do better during the season after a slow Pre Season so fingers crossed for the coming year and please keep fingers and toes ( maybe not toes) crossed that Covid 19 does not hit hard and put a stop to things again, always make sure you wear a mask and other PPE items when out and about like these two Sutton United fans spotted on Manor Park earlier on Saturday morning.

So now we can concentrate on the league.... And all the other cup compitions we may or not be in this year as I'm not sure what is happening to be honest. Just remember Wembley is over rated and expensive and you get better chips at Hanwell anyway so maybe Fisher did us a favour...

South London Is Black And White

Up The Terrors

Reg Vardyians

Northwood...... Northwood...... The pain and anguish from our visit there last season is still etched into my feeble minded brain no matter how hard I try to stop thinking about it...... Northwood.... Northwood....
The Horror.... The Horror..... Winning 3-1 with a few minutes to go Toots managed to let in 3 goals and turn a comfortable win into a defeat of biblical proportions. But Dear Reader I'm over it now, I never ever think of that day.... Not once.

 

Now it's there turn to visit Fortress Imperial for our fourth game of the Victor Meldrew South Central campaign. It's also The TMUFC family fun day. So no stress, worry or blind panic as I set off to see if the Terrors could make it four wins in a row. Northwood almost putting a damper on the game by going ahead in the first half after having a goal disallowed earlier on. Toots seemed a bit out of sorts in the 1st half but came out in a far better mood for the second 45mins. An equaliser from Danny B set up a nervous finale as Toots pushed forward as Northwood looked to score from counter attacks. Well into injury time the fantastically talented Razzaq Coleman scored, sending Fortress Imperial into some pretty mental scenes as only last minute goals can do.
It was also the TMUFC family day and a good crowd of just under 300 turned out for the afternoon. Great to see Tooting MP Dr Rosena Allin-Khan at the game and hope to see her back again soon.

A big thanks to everyone who helped make the day a sucess. One of the really positive things this season is the amount of volunteers who help out on match days doing various jobs. This really does help improve the whole match day experience and means more things can be arranged and run behind the scenes  

 
Sunday and another trip to the Fortress to see Tooting Bec play Walton and Hersham play out a very entertaining game in the FA Vase. W&H winning 4-2. Tooting Bec our new tenants playing some good football but undone by a couple of great goals by the visitors. 

A reasonable crowd including supporters from Sutton United, TMUFC and a few ground hoppers

As I've said before Non League football is far far better than people seem to imagine. Two days, two games and still change out of a twenty pound note for admission and programmes for myself and Ant. Add a couple of quid for food and drinks still far less spent on watching mercenary premiership players going through the motions for a weekly wage that would cover the playing budgets of two or three Non League clubs for a year.

Another trip to Gangrene Lane for another Friday night FA Cup match for Sutton Common Rovers this time against Beaconsfield was next on my hectic lifestyle, an enjoyable game but it was not to be SCR night as they lost 3-1. I was hoping they would get through for the chance to play them at Suttons ground. It's about time we played there again.

      The Greggs Superstore on Sutton High Road.... The only reason to go to Sutton
                                                                   this season ?

 

Anyway sod them. The big game this weekend was the visit of AFC Varndeanians to Fortress Imperial for the FA Cup fixture. A couple of years ago the Footballing Gods seemed to have it in for the Mighty Toots, well the Terrors got a huge hand from them as just before we scored our first goal the Ref and Linesman missed a nailed on hand ball in the penalty area which the South Coast side were quite understandably pissed about. TMUFC pretty much scoring at the other end a couple of seconds later. Good job VAR was not in operation but it's about time we had some luck. Goals from Nathan Daly, David Castanho and Nebay Haile sealed the 3-1 win which takes us into the next round. A crowd of 260 at the game including a number of Varndeanians who brought more than most of the other teams in the Victor Meldrew South Central will do.

 

                                          Varndeanians on the starboard side Captain

Spent the second half with Lee from St. Matthews Project and what a top chap he is. St. Matthews links with Tooting and Mitcham are getting stronger and that can only be a good thing. Although we spent the whole of the 45mins moaning just like charectors from a bad episode of "Last Of The Summer Wine"

 

Please play them a visit and find out more about this fantastic group :

 

http://www.thesmp.net/

We have drawn Dorking Wanderers at home in the next round. A town famous for it's massive cock statue and little else. Saying that they are a team that have had a huge amount of sucess since we just beat them to the title in Franks second year so maybe I'm just jealous of sucess on the pitch and large cocks in general. Winable but it will be tough. Probably at good job it's at home. I'm sure they will bring a few over to add to the crowd, hope so anyway.

 

Massive Big Cock

 

Missed two events during the week. A league cup fixture at South Park and a 2-1 victory in the group stages. Why the league has thought this to be a good idea is totaly beyond me but "Hey Ho" a win is a win. Also missed the meet the manager get together at the ground die to work which was a shame and something I was hoping to attend. I work in a government office in Westminster as as you may have noticed there has been a lot going on there over the last few days, keeping your truely stuck at work sorting out various problems caused by the loons running the country.

 

Missed the 1-1 draw away to Harlow which means we have gone 8 games unbeaten so far this season. Fantastic stuff from the Terrors which has lead to much happiness and laughter in Hackbridge Towers over the last couple of months.

 

Talking of laughter the club will be holding a comedy night this coming Friday 20th Sept. So head over to Fortress Imperial for a night of chuckles and smiles which is not rhyming slang for piles. I'll be signing autographs and showing off my Twerking skills so be there early.

Up The Stripes !!!!!!
 

Wemmmmberleeeey

The magic of the FA Cup. A competition which has given me so many happy moments over the years, not with Toots obviously as my main FA Cup moment with TMUFC was seeing Bog End Ant get strung by a wasp at Leatherhead while we lost the game heavily. But I can dream of cup glory every season. On the way to Hertford while driving along the North Circular myself and Ant spotted in the distance the Wembley Arch from the middle lane on the Hangar Lane Gyratory System, rising high on the North London skyline like a giant toilet seat slowly closing on some kind of megalithic porcelain pan. Could this be our year. The Final against Manchester City on a hot day in May in front of a world wide television audience of millions...

 

                         The horrible type of online cyber bullying that I have to put up with.


Started off the FA Cup weekend with a trip to Gangrene Lane to watch Sutton Common Rovers game against Eastbourne Town for another Friday night footie fest. Meet up with those Pier Pressure chaps who kindly made up some limited edition stickers for myself and the cyber troll bastard face Bornatotter. A good set of chaps who are well worth following on Twitter etc. @TownUltras
Fame at last Dear Reader. I'm known in Eastbourne !!!!!!! and I'm still under 60

 

Fame at last

SCR winning the game the game 3-0. A good night out and an entertaining game from a neutral perspective. There are some good up and coming local clubs below us on the footballing pyramid.

Next on Saturday, it was time for the all conquering Terrors to start on the long long trip up to Wembley Way with a game against Kent Side Faversham Town. A comfortable 1-0 win in which their goalie made some fine saves although a good defensive preformance from Tooting made sure that there would be no trips to darkest Kent for a mid week replay. This also ensures my dream of being interviewed by the BBC match of the Day team on the day of the final without swearing, stuttering or soiling myself in front of Ian Wright could still come true. Again better finishing could have and should have killed the game off sooner, but a win is a win and our FA Cup journey continues. Of course I missed the only goal doing the Club Shop table thingy. We are hoping to end up in the old stewards room over at the far end of the ground once the turnstiles move. Until then look out for me shouting and yelling by the side of a scarf covered table.

 

No need to worry about missing the goal as Toots number one Vlogger Bog End Ant got it covered.

Bog End Ant - You Tube

Some more good stuff going online from those South London Is Black and White chaps going up on their blog. Please give the a follow and check out their stuff.

https://www.southlondonisblackandwhite.com/

 

 

"Another brilliantly written article by Warren" Father explained to the family

"Yes Father, Besty is very clever as well" said oldest daughter Elizabeth.

"But like Duncan's work the best" added Philip

"Better than that fucking bollocks Harry does" laughed Mother.

 

Next up was a trip down to visit the team who have become are biggest rivals according to the Victor Meldrew review of the season twitter and web site......... Chipstead..... Yes, those bastards

Bank Holidays often fall on various religious and pagan festivals so the locals may well have started the day by stripping down to their underpants and chasing a lard covered pig around the town square before watching the town elder throw a donkey off the church roof before heading over for the visit of The Mighty Terrors. One of Chipsteads staff mentioned that Tooting bring a good away support, most of whom seem a bit nutty... What could he possibly mean....

 

 

                                                         Local Team for Local People

 

Yet again The Terrors away following seeming to make up a large percentage of the Bank Holiday crowd. I bet a few of locals had wished they'd stayed at home and washed the lard off as Toots took the lead after a defensive mistake by Chipstead let Danny Bassett score an easy tap in. Being the true sportsmen we are we let them get back into the game after letting them score a free header from a free-kick. Toots scored the winning goal when another free-kick from Daryl Coleman twisted into the back off the net sending the travelling Toots into raptures.
Games against Chippy Town often get a bit spicey and Omari Hibbert got shown a harsh red card later on in the game after he was fouled, the Chipstead player only getting a yellow. A very hot afternoon which must of been hard to play in. Glad the ground has plenty of cover and shade for the snowflake fans like me. So another victory which leaves us second on goal difference. Yes still early days but things are looking good. 

I'm happy, Ant is happy and Mrs H is happy because we are happy. What a great way to spend a Bank Holiday Weekend. Come and join us on the Bog End, this could very well be the start of something special....

 

Just seen the draw for the next round of the FA Cup where we play AFC Vardenians who come from Brighton despite sounding like Dr Who villains from the 7th moon of Uranus.

 

                           "We've drawn Tooting and Mitcham in the next round, Make sure you

                                             iron my best Stone Island jumper you mug"

 

 

Wemmmmberleeeey !!!!!! 

Up The Stripes !!!

Breeze in Cerise.

He's back... The Tooting Sex Machine Tim Megone with his views on life, love and Tooting and Mitcham. Dulwich may have hundreds of reporters and media types but we have Timothy and we wouldn't swap him for the world...

 Every now and again, for want of anything better to do as the planet collapses and the pagans run riot, we return to the vexed question of football away kits.
The pleasing purple haze that assisted our title triumph of a couple of years back met with general approval (Mitcham Lavender/Tooting Purpular Front).
However, this year’s sponsors Campus Society decided to make their mark by altering our away strip. Given the sensitivities around the Omelette invasion of Imperial Fields, no one dares use the word ‘pink’ in Terror circles for fear of turning peculiar or breaking out in boils as the bubonic plague rises up from the from the mists and deals out death to saints and sinners alike. But the current outfit looked dangerously close to Satan’s favoured shade. Scientists, poets and chemical quaffers at the Bog End toyed with ‘cerise’ and ‘fuscia’ before the Priesthood’s influential crumble and custard wing intervened and carried the day with ‘plum’. So it is that on our travels, we have become ‘The Tooting Plum(m)ular Front’. I have eaten a couple of said fruits recently and their dark complexions bore fuck all resemblance to the newfound travel wear, but who gives a toss?

Cerise thongs are now available in the club shop or ask Dave Irons for details and prices.


 In any case, the plum attire spurred us to a couple of, sort of, memorable cup wins, the first of them in the FA Cup First Qualifying Round at Horsham YMCA of the Sussex County League, one level below us in the pecking order. More often than not, we struggle against this sort of opposition but things looked good for most of the first half, Dominic Morgan Griffiths running the show from midfield as we carved out numerous openings. The best chances fell to the ever-dangerous Zac Coleman, but this time he failed to put them away. Towards half time, the Christian Children began to turn things round and after the break, they took over as our own youthful prodigies lost their way.
It was no surprise when they took the lead with a deflected shot and an early cup exit loomed large yet again. Last season, we tended not to bother scoring from set pieces but things could be changing as the giant Nexus Beedon rose majestically at the far post to send a looping header into the net from Wedgworth’s corner. This should have signalled a rampant revival but we immediately fell apart, Tope Fadahunsi receiving his marching orders for a second booking within seconds of the restart.
After that, simple survival seemed to be the order of the day but we snatched an unlikely winner, engineered by two of our subs, in the dying seconds. Subbuteo sized midfield dynamo Abraham Odoh won the ball and surged forward before threading a precision pass through the defence for striker Elijah Simpson to burst through and slot home with the silken touch of a seasoned assassin. A heart crushingly harsh Cup exit for the Sussex children but delirium for the travelling hordes. The celebrations lasted until the FA Cup Second Qualifying round draw, which landed us with a pig’s arse of a tie at the then leaders of the National League South, Woking. Still, if nothing else, it meant another plum flavoured day out for the travelling legions …
At the moment I am a mere six weeks behind but in these days of incessant information and rolling news that tells us fuck all, we can expect the tale of Saturday’s Eggstravaganza to hit our screens by Xmas …

Sir Tim Megone writes again

There is a block buster movie out at the moment starring the world famous Shakespearean actor Jason Statham about a fucking great big prehistoric monster shark with a fucking big mouth called "Meg" At Tooting and Mitcham we have our own big mouthed prehistoric monster Meg... Sir Timothy Megone. If ever there was a man who should be starring in block buster movies fighting monsters it really should be "Our Timmy" as his stunning good looks and manly body would drive the public wild with desire and lust. Forget Idris Elba, Tim should be the next James Bond.

I am not a religious man but when ever I see Tim's words of wisdom I can not help but wonder about reincarnation and if that William Shakespeare has come back a bit like Dr Who into the body of Tim Megone

Here's Tim's take on Friday Night Football and the FA Cup.

Up until recently, I had always associated Friday nights with falling over in discos or silent vigils in forest clearings as druids burn effigies of pink and blue omelettes. But just over a fortnight ago, Friday became a by word for cup fever, in truth yet more humiliating recognition of our relegation to second class status at the Fields (Dulwich playing at ‘home’ the following day in the league), but an opportunity nonetheless for revival of the sacred cause.
As kick off approached, the bar was crowded but that horny sense of late summer anticipation was a million miles away. Instead, the stench of depression wafted amongst the hordes, shaking heads and bitterness the new currency on a scale not known for a good two decades.
The scars of last season had not healed: the complacency (only one team from 24 would go down, was the oft repeated refrain, surely it won’t be us?) that had set in so early during last season’s doomed relegation fight and been allowed to prevail unchecked almost to the end was not forgotten, nor forgiven. Just to rub salt in the wound, the popular but discarded player of the season, keeper Matt Pierson had left the club.
It’s worth recalling last season’s player of the year award, when Imperial Fields’ answer to the Oscars was held shortly after the gut-wrenching final home league defeat against Harlow, a near fatal wound that sent us sprawling in agony to the edge of the abyss (Met Police finishing the job with a couple of baton blows to the bollocks the following week).
With most of the fans that stayed desperate to be almost anywhere else, Golden Goal seller and Supporters’ club supremo Dave Irons gleefully announced the winner, only to find that Matt had already buggered off home. Undeterred, Dave - previously best known for bin chucking and moccasin tossing heroics - held the trophy aloft to bemused silence, while the remnants of the Bog End drank themselves into oblivion.    
Back to this season and the preliminary round FA Cup tie against Gatwick wannabes Horley Town from the Combined Counties League, a tier below the Mighty Stripes. Surely now was the time to get behind the young team, rather than castigate them for crimes not of their making. In theory, yes, but it was all a bit shit to begin with, the upstart baggage fondlers resisting with ease our faltering attempts to get forward. Horley grew in confidence and began to build a couple of attacks of their own: a dodgily awarded free kick ensued, followed by a speculative cross that drifted beyond young keeper Liam Sallis and into the net and yet another disaster loomed large.
Tooting looked stricken and more bitterness rent the air, but towards half time the tie was dramatically transformed, the ever-dangerous Isaiah Jones the catalyst for revival and riotous celebration. Shredding the defence with a trademark foray into the box, he was clipped from behind and the ref pointed to the spot to angry protests from the South Surrey runway squatters. Returning hero Billy Dunn strode up and netted with aplomb.
It was Billy again who found the net with a deft header from a Wedgeworth free kick to send the masses into ecstasy, the mood of the Bog End fervent once again, depression dispersed – at least for the time being. With Sallis growing in confidence and Nexus Beeden, built like a floodlight and dominant at the back, we took control in the second half, Isaiah continuing to torment the defence before eventually being scythed down once too often – ending his contribution for the night - by an ever more desperate defence. Fingernails were nibbled and bowels ripped open as injury time continued into the early morning for a nerve shredding climax, but we hung on and for the first time in months, tasted victory, and cast our gaze at the prospect of more cup frolics.

The magic of the Cup

I love the FA Cup, my days following the "Glorious Gooner Gunners" meant I've seen many great games and finals but since giving up the sky premiership circus my love affair with this fantastic competition has however not been as exciting and fun filled. Far from it in fact.  Tooting and Mitcham have quite a good record in the FA Cup but of course I've missed all that. The cup run in 1959 and the defeat by Nottingham Forest is still sung about on the Bog End terraces despite the fact that most who stand on there weren't born then. A couple of runs in the 70's and which lead to games against Swindon and Crystal Palace and Bradford are still talked about by older Terrors as great moments in the clubs history. The game in the 1st Round in 2005 an away tie against Stockport was a well attended game by a large group of drunken South Londoners who saw the club loose 5-0. But it's not all about victorious games and celebrating winning trophies when following a club like Tooting and Mitcham, if we wanted victories and a packed trophy cabinet we'd all go and watch Crystal Palace.

 

But as my time following the Terrors only stretches back about 12 years my memories of FA Cup glory are very limited. A game in 2013 at Leatherhead which as per normal ended in defeat which sticks forever in my mind for their goalie getting his shorts pulled down by a couple of herberts with the travelling bogend when he was about to take a goal kick. The following week in a league game there we lost 5-1 and In the second half Bogend Ant got stung by a wasp which caused quite a scene and yet again made me question my decision to take the poor little sod to games.... especially ones in Leatherhead. They had also beaten us in the FA Cup the year before... and in the league which we both attended.  I've never seen TMUFC beat Leatherhead which makes them one of the 73 boogie teams the Terrors currently have at the moment. Leatherhead along with Berlin have had a wall that fell down in resent history and helped changed the course of events afterwards. Ask any Dulwich fan for an explanation if you get the chance.

Then the season after there was a very small FA Cup run that took us to "Mighty" Bishops Stortford after a last minute winner took us past Cray Wanderers. We dominated the game getting a draw before beating them at Imperial Fields. memorable for some of The Bishop supporters who turned up, called us minnows and refused to buy programmes and entre the "golden goals competition"etc. so as not to give any money what so ever to TMUFC and acted like total smug bell ends in the knowledge that they were a "bigger" club. Their manager was also a lovely smug prick of a man who got sacked shortly afterwards. Some victories are made even better when the opponents fans are class A twats. Of course we lost to East Thurrock in the next round but both the Stortford games were special. Now I'm not saying all Bishop Stortford fans are wankers, just the ones I've met and the ones I've spoken to.

Bog End Ant, Leader of the Tooty Wooty Boot Boys taking total liberties over at Bishops Stortford


Nothing else springs to mind since then apart from various other defeats the in worlds greatest cup competition.... But maybe this could be the year. A great crowd of over 300 turned up on a wet and windy Friday night to watch us beat Horley Town, A game moved to Friday due to the Pink and Blue Squatters having a "Home" league game on the Saturday which out ranked the FA Cup for some reason... But in truth the Friday night thing worked, of course the victory helped but the bigger than expected crowd and the packed bar meant that the Bank Holiday weekend started with a bang and an awful lot to drink for many. We were "Blessed" with a couple of Sutton United Supporters including the world famous musical sex machine @bornatotter who knows a lot about the magic of the FA Cup and the magic of FA Cup songs. All of us wait with baited breath to see who Sutton get when they enter the FA Cup this season, while he stares at his guitar dreaming of Pop Stardom and the chance to get on Football Focus again as the comedy time filling bit at the end. We'll I'm hopping to get either Spurs or Man United in the next round... We'll probably end up with bloody Leatherhead again... Let hope it pisses down with rain.....